My First 1/2 Birthday

This August 25th, is my first birthday without my cake buddy.  Or more appropriately stated, my 1st 1/2 birthday.  After more than 50 years of celebrating the birthday I shared with mom, I find myself struggling with how to feel today.  Trying so desperately not to be sad on what was normally a joyous occasion, which frankly got less joyous every year as I wondered if it was the last one I would celebrate with her.  Trying to remember all of the wonderful birthdays of years past.

For the past 13 years, I would walk into mom's house, shouting and singing "Happy Birthday to You and Me, Happy Birthday to You and Me..."  Before that, before they retired and moved down to be with us, it would be the first phone call I would make to her.  To wish her a Happy Birthday.  To tell her how much I loved her and was so happy to share birthdays with her.  To beg her to move to SC so that we can share it together.  

My dad used to tell her that I was the best gift that he gave her, to which she would immediately respond, "Oh Yes, the labor pains and being in the hospital on my birthday... The best gift!". I would wonder at times, if that was something that actually bothered her or if it was her way at humor.  :)

As time evolved, the celebrations got smaller but I still made an effort, to try to make her happy on that special day of ours.  The cake evolved from regular cake with ice cream to an ice cream cake which was her favorite.  With her disease evolving, giving her something cold and refreshing to cool her mouth which was always closed was also an added bonus.

Today, this day, my 1st half birthday, all I can think about is how eventually I got my birthday wish.  For mom to move down so we can share our birthdays together.  

This birthday, I won't wonder if it will be my last birthday with her.  I now will wonder when we will get to celebrate it again.

Happy birthday mom.  I miss you.