V A N I L L A

A Year in the making.

I have been planning for this day for over a year.  The day that I would celebrate my birthday with my new birthday companion.  My birthday buddy Kaden who was born on Aug 25th to fill a gap that I had in my soul after my original birthday buddy, my Mom, passed away.

Everyone that knows me knows how I felt about my birthday starting with the year mom passed away which I called my half birthday.  After that year, I did not really feel like celebrating my birthday anymore.  It was a very sad day with all of the Facebook memories and people sending me messages saying how they knew I was in pain but that she was in a better place and celebrating the day with me.  Unfortunately it was not something that I could just easily "get over" especially after having lost both Dad and then Mom within roughly a year.  I was in a dark place and my birthday was not a reminder of the blessed life I had, but of the massive loss I had and especially the feeling of emptiness due to the loss of my birthday buddy.  That feeling lasted 3 birthdays until this year, 2022 when I finally had something to look forward to again for this day.

When you are young, you look forward to your birthday for the gifts and being the center of attention.  At my age, I was not looking for either but the precious memories I could continue to make of a unique day I shared with someone special in my life.

I actually have a really good friend, Mike V. from NJ, who shares that same birthday.  Every year, including the most recent dark years, I would send an email, text or voicemail and wish my brother from another mother a happy birthday.  So while I am not technically alone on my birthday, especially since I have my wife, our sons and extended family that make the day special for me, I have not been really looking forward to it or in the mood to celebrate.  

Promises Made, Promises Kept.

So for 365 days, after the news broke that Kaden was actually born on my birthday, I was planning how I would celebrate our special day together.  I knew what we were going to do but not how it would be accomplished.

We would enjoy our first ice cream together.  My new birthday buddy and grand nephew, Kaden and I would have Vanilla ice cream for our shared birthday.

I'm not really a cake person and ice cream is my achilles heel.  I believe it had to do with what I was told about my mom.  Mom apparently only wanted to eat only ice cream during her pregnancy with me.  So much so that when I was born, I weighed slightly over 5 lbs at full term.  So my sweet tooth is all about ice cream like my mom.  She absolutely loved it and as she progressed in her Alzheimer's disease, ice cream was a real treat for her that she would absolutely tear up.

In preparation for Kaden's first time eating ice cream with his birthday buddy, I spent the year looking for recipes online with the hopes of finding the best recipe for homemade Vanilla ice cream.  I even purchased a Ninja Creami ice cream maker so I can make fresh Vanilla ice cream.  

I was so excited about the ice cream maker that when I took it out of the box, the outer bowl and lid fell out of the box and onto the floor.  Needless to say, the lid broke before I even got to use it the first time.  It took a few weeks before it was available before I got my replacement. I guess the same thing has happened to others.

About a month before our birthday, I started practicing making Vanilla ice cream and also created some other flavors.  The pamphlet that came with the Ninja has a very good homemade Vanilla recipe that was spot on.  I practiced several times so that I can perfect it the day before and have fresh ice cream to share with my little buddy.  

I actually had 3 flavors I prepared.  Vanilla, Vanilla Chocolate Chip and Vanilla with fresh strawberries.  As I stated previously, we are going to have Vanilla, in honor of Mom, but I wanted to have a variety of special flavors since it was his first time eating ice cream.  

The look on Kaden's face as he was having ice cream was priceless.  He loved it, especially the one with fresh strawberries.  However the look he gave me after taking a few bites took me down.  It stopped me in my tracks as I recalled the numerous times I would feed mom and she would give me a similar look.

After I recomposed myself, everybody else jumped in and participated in the ice cream festivities. 

I did not expect to react that way and while I was delighted that Kaden liked the home made ice cream (not sure he would tell the difference or understand the significance of it being home made), it made my day and my birthday special, once again.  It had a innate feeling to be able to celebrate my birthday with a buddy.  I am sure that over time, it will become even better for us as he looks forward to that day as well and we can plan the flavors together.

That same day we paid a visit to the cemetery together to talk with mom about the special day the three of us shared.  It also was a way for me to thank mom for my new birthday buddy.

In the end, it felt "complete" having done all of this on my birthday.  I have always been one to appreciate the symbolism of things.  It's the small things or the attention to details that matter to me.   Like how we walked together holding hands.

Angela & Dylan.  Thank you for having Kaden wait until his first birthday before he tasted Ice cream.  It made the day even more special to me.  What flavor do you think we should do for next year?  Let the planning begin.

My Birthday Buddy

I thought about calling this post, Angela's baby boy.  I have written previously in my blog about how I was born on my mom's birthday and after my mom passed away, it has been hard to be happy when I was of course, Angela's baby boy and she was my birthday buddy.  I have no problems admitting that.

Yes, today is August 25th, and once again, I woke up on my birthday with the memories of my mom and I sharing our birthday together over all of these years.  Especially with all of the Facebook and Google photo memories of this day and the tons of comments from people overwhelming my feed.    

Truth be told, it feels like just another birthday, especially on a work day full of conference calls and business as usual.  However, leading up to this day the sentimental nature of my shared birthday with my mom builds up over the weeks, without the culmination of our joint ice-cream cake, which is what we would always have on this day.   I have not had Carvel ice-cream cake on my birthday since mom passed.  Now celebrating my 3rd birthday without her.

Ice cream was my mom's favorite.  Vanilla, of course.  

Every time we went out to get some, as I was standing in line with her, I would ask her what flavor she wanted, knowing her obvious answer ahead of time.  

Me, being the stubborn, ok if you ask Luisa, "the controlling" person I am, would tell her that she had to live a little.  So I would get her a different flavor be it Coconut, Mint Chocolate Chip, Banana...  Put a little spice in it lady!  After all, there are more than 31 flavors of this heavenly stuff.  

She would devour that ice cream, as a professional ice cream eater would generally do.  Then when asked if she liked it, her answer was a glowing, "oh yes!  It was delicious!"

The next time out, what flavor?  "Vanilla.  You know that is my favorite."  And the cycle would repeat itself.

She said that when she was carrying me, all she could eat was ice cream.  She would get sick with anything else.  Which is why I am a huge fan and probably the reason for my high cholesterol! 😳

At first, I was unique in sharing a birthday with my mom.  Over time, I came to know others that were similarly blessed with their shared birthdays with their respective moms, or as siblings like my nephews or even in the case of our son Nick, with his much loved and profoundly missed Uncle Mickey.  Who was born on the best day of the year, according to the way they both used to tell it.

I wrote in another blog, how our family has been graced with the celebration of a new birth, in a day full of sorrow and pain, like that of the 2nd anniversary of my brother-in-law Miguel's passing, when his 3rd grandson Beckam Miguel was born.  How Beckam's birth gave us something to look forward to on that day.  The entire family firmly believes Miguel had a hand in that specific arrival to let us know that he wanted us to be happy.

Today, it is my turn to celebrate not only my birthday, but the arrival of my new birthday buddy and great nephew, Kaden Drey.  My niece Angela's baby boy!  Again, both divine and heavenly intervention from my own mom to ensure that my future birthdays would be a day of celebration of a shared birthday.   I will always share my mom's birthday but now have a birthday companion to have ice cream with.

About 9 months or so ago, Angela called Luisa and I to tell me that she was pregnant and that her due date, was, get this, August 25th.  For these past months we have been waiting the arrival of Angela's baby boy and wondering if indeed, can it be, that he will be born on my birthday. 

Last week, on the 18th of August, Angela had a visit with her doctor to discuss the logistics of Kaden's arrival, whether they would need to induce her if Kaden decided to procrastinate and to schedule her hospital admittance so they can induce her the next day. She would be admitted one day and Kaden would be born the next day.

The nurse came into the room and told the doctor that both Sunday the 22nd to Monday the 23rd, or Monday the 23rd to Tuesday the 24th were available. The nurse then scheduled her for Monday/Tuesday. 

The doctor said wait a second the other doctor that would be delivering if she was not available was not on call.  The doctor also said that she had an in office surgery to do on Tuesday.  So she told the nurse to change it to the next date which which would be to be admitted on the 24th with Angela being induced on Wednesday the 25th.  Today.

Angela began to cry and the doctor asked if there was a problem with that date? Angela told her it’s a very special day that it was her Grandmother's birthday (uhm.. mine too by the way) and that her Grandmother had died two years ago. 

The Doctor said well then it is on Wednesday when Kaden will be born.  At exactly 8:21AM on August 25th, Kaden Drey Burton came to this world.  To celebrate every 25th of August eating ice cream with his Uncle Ralph. 

I firmly believe that this was my mom Angela, pulling the levers and making sure that I once again had a birthday buddy to share my birthday with.  Thank you Mom.

I promised Angela that if Kaden was born on my birthday I would buy the ice cream every year. But if he was born any other day it would be on him. 

Well, Kaden, I will hold up my bargain as my new birthday buddy.  Of course, it will have to be Vanilla in honor of your great grandmother Angela.

Happy Birthday Kaden and of course, Happy Heavenly Birthday Mom.  I miss you dearly but thank you for giving me a reason to enjoy having ice cream on my birthday again.