My Brother-In-Law.
Miguel was much more to me than just my Brother-In-Law. Having known him for 38 years of my life, roughly just a year older than I, he was my brother from another mother. It was amazing how similar we were in all of our views, our priorities and character.
While it may seem strange to the average person why I would specifically choose someone that was more of a brother to me than an uncle in helping me become a better father, my view of becoming a better father was of watching how Miguel was as a son to his own parents, but especially the special relationship he had with his father and grandfather. Yes he was an amazing father to his three daughters, an incredible grandfather to his grandson Jonathan and I am sure he would been the same for Liam as well. To my boys, he was an amazing uncle. But as a son, it was cool to see how he was with his father.
One of the first things I remember when Luisa and I started dating was catching him wrestling with his father on the sofa. Within minutes, a loud crash could be heard when both ended up on the floor and they continued to horse around, much to the chagrin of Martha yelling "Stop it! Someone is going to get hurt". At which both would be cracking up. I was 16 at the time and that left quite an impression on me as I had never seen or experienced that level of horseplay before.
When Miguel would walk into the house or leave, he would hug and kiss his father and it was reciprocated by him. It was at that moment that I realized that I wanted the same thing between my own father and I. With Miguel though, it was usually followed up with a little tap on the cheek with his hand, followed at times with "comemierda" and a laugh.
He had a joyous approach to how he showed his affection with his father and grandfather, but he was a pain in the neck with them also. The constant badgering and pulling of the strings was at times, close to going overboard. And was it constant. He was relentless in how much he was jodiendo with them that many times it ended up with his father saying "Pipe, no joda mas!".
But through his efforts, he was able to push them into submission on what he wanted and they would then end up enjoying what he was trying to get them to do in the first place.
For example, one time, Miguel wanted his grandfather (Mipo) to go with us on a several hour trip to see the dog races in southern Florida. Mipo was not interested in having any of it. He was having trouble walking and required a wheelchair to get around. He just wanted to stay home and didn't want to be bothered. Miguel persisted and persisted until Mipo relented and went with us on the trip.
On the way back, and for the next several years, we would ask Mipo what was the name of the mechanical rabbit that was being chased by greyhounds and he would reply "Here Comes Sparky" and would laugh remembering the good time he had.
It seemed like from that point on, Miguel would visit his grandparents house and immediately get the wheel chair ready to walk his grandfather around the block and Mipo would just go, knowing that he really did not have another option.
His love of life was forced onto everyone, especially his father and he truly had no say in the matter. He was better off because of it as well.
Miguel picked up many of the same habits and customs that he had learned from his father. Including the parties that he would throw to welcome the New Year. Miguel and Denise's house was the place to be for that event and nobody would want to miss it. However Miguel had to throw in a twist every year. One year we all wore suits, decked out from head to toe. The next year it was all white. The following year, we're scrambling to find the best bow tie for the theme that year. We all put up with his shenanigans because, hey, it was Miguel being Miguel. And that's who he was.
While most of it was done in jest, the one that stands out was when he made a toast, it would almost always be "To Me" and everybody would crack up. I copied that in bringing in cakes to my mom on our birthday, opening the door and singing "Happy Birthday to You and Me...".
As an Uncle, he built a relationship with my sons that at times, I have struggled to replicate with my own nephews in some respect.
With Dan, Miguel always treated him with respect and like an adult, ever since he was a little boy. He saw that about him from beginning and I recall him being tender and kind with him all his life. When Dan would act up, he would pull him aside and explain to him what he was doing wrong and how he expected him to understand that. I saw that same tenderness and demeanor with Jonathan and it reminded me of those times with Dan. The patience he had was inspiring.
Nick was extra special because he was born on Miguel's birthday and from that day on, not only was it the best day of the year, according to Miguel, but it was the "bestest" day of the year, because Nick shared it as well. Nick also shared his dancing skills. That's another topic for another post.
Miguel would ask Nick questions like "what is new, what are you up to, how is this and that" and he would genuinely listen, no matter which path the conversation would take. Nick would be describing some, way out idea he had as part of "a plan". I would be face palming with my hands during this. He would then conclude it with an emphatic "All Right, Good Job, Way to go, Absolutely!" like it was the best thing he had ever heard. To me I would be like, "Miguel, why are you encouraging him to do that?".
To his sister Luisa though, he was one of a kind. I was honored to witness that true love of a sibling and not the uncomfortable one that many siblings have. The videos, voice messages, text messages and just the desire to be in touch with each other grew over time, especially when Miguel started to get sick. But it was clear that this bond was beyond ordinary and one that all siblings should strive to replicate and have.
Miguel demonstrated in his way that by being an amazing son, grandson and brother, you become an amazing father. One that becomes a role model for other young men to aspire to and older men to respect and mimic. That was Miguel and from whom I learned so much.
The thought of not having any of my 3 father figures to reach out to anymore causes a sharp pain in my throat and my eyes to fill up every time. Even as I write this and think about how truly lucky and blessed I am for having been exposed to all of this first hand, I can't help but have profound sadness that this is to be no more.
Thank you Miguel for being my older brother and showing me a different way, the better way, of being a son, an uncle, and a brother to help me become the father that I am. Life is too short to be serious and you need to leave your mark.
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