“Until you say I Do, I don’t”. Those were some of the earliest words Miguel told me. They weren’t the first words and to be honest, it was probably a couple of months before he said that, but those were the words that defined who he was and how high he was raising that bar for me.
For starters, Miguel was very proud of his heritage.
I am sure everybody knows that Miguel was Cuban. I, however, am Puerto Rican. I think initially, it bothered him that I was Puerto Rican and not Cuban. This presented my first hurdle. He saw this as an opportunity to identify ALL of the ways that Cubans were better than Puerto Ricans. He began by reminding me that the Puerto Rican flag was modeled after the Cuban Flag. His exact words were “that we stole the design and the colors of the flag”. The next item on his list was that Salsa was invented by Cubans, and Puerto Rican’s copied that. Let it be known that Miguel’s favorite Salsa artist was Marc Anthony. A Puerto Rican. He would complain that while Bacardi Rum came from Puerto Rico, it was originally made in Cuba. When it came to Dominoes, Cuban double-9 dominoes were better than Puerto Rican double-6 dominoes. His Cuban heritage was so pure to him, that he refused to take a DNA test for fear that it may prove he was not 100% Cuban!
No matter what the topic was, the cards were stacked against me and seamed unreachable though I really believe that over time, he softened his position. Even to the point of admitting that he needed me to be here to help him with the annual pig roast. Or so I am told. By others.
What Miguel did not realize was that while he was raising that bar, he was also helping me become a better person. I can honestly say that I learned to appreciate my culture and learn more about my Puerto Rican heritage, even if it was just so I can defend myself from his attacks.
He impacted me in many other ways.
Miguel’s love for Family and relationship was unmatched and inspiring.
I know it started way before I really knew him but it was immediately evident when I first met him. I was in total awe of his relationship with his dad. I was shocked to see him wrestle on the floor with his dad. The wrestling match would actually start on the couch, but it would almost immediately end up on the floor with some sort of body slam. And the laughters.
I am sure everybody who knew him could appreciate how affectionate he was. He would walk in and give a hug and a kiss to everyone. It wasn’t just immediate family but also family friends. It was very awkward to see at first how personable he was until it just became natural. For me, when I was growing up, we were taught to respect our elders and to ask for “la bendicion” or a blessing. We did that to all of our aunts and uncles, grandparents and especially our parents. He did not do that. I genuinely appreciated his method so much, that I changed how we showed affection within my family. I remember declaring at one point to my parents that I would not ask for the blessing anymore and that I would prefer a hug and a kiss. After all, I never heard of a person asking for a blessing and not receiving it from their elders. If that’s the case, why ask it? Would it not be a better way of showing an affection with a hug and a kiss?
My entire family, siblings and their families, and even my parents evolved to show our affection and greet each other that way. Was it only Miguel that did that, no. It was his entire family that did it but I honestly say, I learned that from him and it made my relationship with my own family, including my own father, better as a result.
While his relationship with his daughters, is something everybody who knows this family can appreciate, it was his relationship with my sons that brought absolute joy to my heart. He was “The Uncle” that the boys admired. The favorite Uncle.
He had a bond with them that was as close to a parent/child bond, as you can get.
My youngest, Nick was even born on his birthday and while that “took away from it being Miguel’s day”, he eventually convinced Nick that it was the best day of the year because they shared it with each other. Because I share my mom’s birthday, I completely understand how special that day was for both of them. I pray that my son Nick continues to view this as the best day of the year going forward and to think of the happy times they had through that unique bond.
Miguel would not take no for an answer. His persistence was unparalleled.
I remember Miguel would visit his grandfather “Mipo” and would pressure him to go out with him for a walk. Of course at that time, his grandfather was wheelchair bound but that did not stop him from taking him around the block. I remember one time years ago, he told his grandfather he was going to take him to a dog race track nearby and his grandfather complained all of the way there. He ended up enjoying it so much that for the next several years, we would ask Mipo what was the name of the mechanical rabbit from the race track and his grandfather would say “Here Comes Sparky”.
This was who Miguel was. He persisted until you gave in, but then you realized that he was right in the first place.
His persistence was very evident in how he pushed through this battle with Cancer. He would get up every morning, giving thanks to God and continued pushing like if there was nothing going on.
But it was his unwavering faith that gave him that ability to continue to shine bright for all of us.
My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 10 years ago and my faith has been rocked and challenged like never before in my life. I did not think that I would be able to find my way back. While I am still struggling to walk the straight line, it is by watching Miguel walk his path, that I have hope that I can be even stronger in my faith than what I was before. That is the highest bar he has raised for me.
Miguel challenged all of us to become better people through his actions and his words. Miguel raised the bar for everybody. I know he especially raised it for me and for that, I am eternally grateful. I grew up wanting an older brother to be able to count on and help me through my challenges in life. God answered my prayer with Miguel. I love you my brother. Until we meet again.
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