On behalf of our large family, we thank you for being here to support us and pay your respects to our dad.
Dad valued and demanded respect. But, as much as he demanded it, he also showed it. To everyone.
Respect is one of the traits that he instilled in each of us and one that we as parents continue to instill in our own children.
One time, dad was helping me with my Spanish homework and I used the sentence “Mama Isa (his mother) es “vieja”. (Mama Isa is old). Boy did he go off on how disrespectful it was to call the elders “old”. He said that word “vieja” was for old food, old dogs, anything but elders. I corrected it and said “Mama Isa no es vieja, es anciana”. “Mama Isa is not old, she is elderly”. Dads reaction taught us how much respect he had for his mother and father.
Dad always expected the best of us. Growing up, when we would bring home a report card with A’s and B’s, and his comment to us was, why could they not all be A’s? Dad expected us to succeed and do something with ourselves since he was giving us the opportunity he never had.
Two months before dad finished his 2nd grade, his teacher told him that he did not have to continue to come because he was ready for 3rd grade. His father told him that he had learned enough and that he was needed so that he can take care of the animals and bring lunch to his father while his father worked “en la finca” - in the farm. He never told us this story when he was lecturing us on our grades. It was only when he let his guard down that he would start to get upset and even cry when saying this.
He did not hate his father because of this, because he respected him. Yes, he felt deprived and that an opportunity for him to make something of himself was taken away from him but being the oldest son of 9 siblings meant that he need to help provide for them. All his brothers and sisters refer to him as their 2nd father and to this day, they say he was one of the pillars of the family.
That drove him to push us harder.
That drive to succeed and persevere was one of his strengths.
A man who faced whatever life had in store for him with courage, and he would face it head on. He had a will to live and to fight whatever battles in health he had to fight. He beat cancer twice. Survived a horrific crash with an 18-wheeler. Battled diabetes, congestive heart failure, vascular disease, high blood pressure, and the effects of having only one kidney since 2005. He may have never gotten a diploma officially from school, but upon defeating his most recent cancer, he received a Bachelor’s of Perseverance from the hospital.
We never questioned if he loved us, though he had difficulty showing it emotionally when we were young. He demonstrated his love by working hard and making sure there was food on the table. He made sure we had the essentials in life. A warm bed, clothes on our backs. He somehow managed to give us everything we ever asked Santa for. He did this, even though he didn’t make a lot of money. Let alone make enough to pay for a family of 6.
The simple things were priceless. Such as when he took us to Holmdel Park after church regularly, or how we would sit on his lap while he ate dinner. Or how we would help peel the beans that he grew in his Garden. Even as most recently as last year, his own grandchildren followed our footsteps and helped him peel the beans.
But to see how dad treated Mom during her continuing battle with Alzheimer’s. There was no stronger love than what he showed. He prayed for a cure every day. He made sure we were feeding mom and that we would position her the right way. Even after 3 years of us doing the same thing, he would still come in to make sure we were doing it right. He would make sure she had everything she needed. He would come into the room and talk to her in such a tender voice while he brushed her hair with his fingers. Many times, we would have to look away to hide our tears. Oh, how he adored mom.
His faith in God was strong and he would put it all in God’s hands.
We went to church every Sunday growing up. Unless we were sick, we were there. Even up until a month ago, he was going to church early, in time for the Rosary, so that he could pray for mom to get better.
It was his strength, faith and love for his family that allowed him to live an amazing 82 years.
13 years ago, after years of pleading him to move to SC, he finally relented. We promised him that we would take care of him if he moved down here. He and mom retired and even bought their first home together when he was 70 years old. He knew moving away from his environment was going to be difficult, and most of all, he expected to be lonely. But he embraced his move and changed.
He was more open with his emotions, and this was especially true for his grandchildren and great grandchildren. He was completely a different person than what he was when we were growing up. He would always want to cook their favorite items and would put aside food for them. On Easter Sunday, the day before he passed, he was upset that he was not able to make his great rice. After mom got sick, the responsibility to buy gifts and cards fell on his shoulders and he would pick the perfect card. The one that said things that he could not say in person but that we knew he meant.
These 13 years were the most amazing years we had with Dad and his love for his family, faith in God, drive to continue living just so he can take care of mom and be with us was inspiring.
In the end, with his remote and a toothpick in his hands, TV full blast to the Spanish station listening to the news about Puerto Rico to try to get a glimpse of what was happening where his family was, dad left us to be with God. Not suffering but having lived a life full of accomplishments, memories, love and gratitude for God. Gracias a Dios, as he said.
It is not “Bye Dad”, it is “We love you. We thank you for being you and doing the best job you could do in teaching us respect, how to be strong, how to love family and how to be faithful."
We will continue your wishes on how to take care of mom, do right by your example and be a family that loves each other, and works hard to be respectful.
We love you Dad and will see you again one day.
No comments:
Post a Comment