Happy Father’s Day!

Today is Father’s day, June 19, 2011. I am sure that this same scene is actually being played out throughout the country. It seems like every year, there is this concerted effort to make sure that Dad is pleased and that the focus is on Dad. I love this. It is great to feel appreciated for all of the hard work that goes into being the “the bad guy” at home. The person that not only defines the rules of the house, but the one who is also responsible for making sure that they are followed. Please don’t misunderstand my comments. In our house, my wife and I, see eye to eye on everything, including how to raise the kids. I clearly did not define all of the rules.

It’s kind of like the memories I had of when I was growing up. I recall my mom saying things like “I’m going to tell your father!” every time we did something that she did not approve of. The same thing sort of happens here at my house. My wife can definitely keep things in line, after all, I follow her rules all of the time as well. But throughout the year, when the requests for certain things go beyond the comfort level, Dad is the one that has to decide that they cannot get the thing they want. That they should not be allowed to go out or stay up past a certain time. That it is “up to your father” to determine if he is going to be your cool friend or the guy that makes sure you have no fun.

So this year, just like every year on Father’s day, my wife makes it an effort to make sure that my boys show their appreciation by getting up early to make me breakfast. They got up at 6AM to start preparing eggs, bacon, coffee, pouring the orange juice, setting the table, wrapping the gift and writing the cards. Normally on a Sunday morning, I get up about 7AM, to get Nick up so that he can get ready to go to church. He plays his guitar in the choir and has to be there around 8-8:15AM. So I get up, fight with him to make sure he gets up, and we are out of the door as quickly as possible.

This morning Luisa woke up the kids and left me sleeping in bed. After all, it’s Father’s day. Let him sleep!

At 6:45, Dan puts his hand on my shoulder to wake me up for breakfast. It immediately reminded me of when he used to come into my bedroom at the middle of the night, cause he had to go to the bathroom and somehow could not see it, as he passed by it, on the way to my room. As I come down the stairs, I get the strong whiff of the bacon, which as it turns out, was prepared by my wife.

She blurts out, “Happy Father’s day honey!”, “We let you sleep!”. To which my response was, “hon, I normally get up at 7AM on Sundays.” “Oh.” she responded.

I sat down, had my breakfast with everybody after Dan said Grace, and then opened my cards and gift. It was great and very much appreciated and very delicious.

They scramble to get ready for church, with one last commandment from Luisa, “Nick go get the newspaper for Dad”. Something I normally do myself on a regular Sunday morning.

We take off to go to church and when we come back, the boys have had this plan, all along, to either take me fishing or to go for a walk on this new trail down in Greenville.

When we get back, Dan asks, “OK Dad, what do you want to do?”. Honestly, both of those sounded great, but so did just staying home, to relax. I’ve had some long weeks at work and that sounds great as well. But, it’s father’s day. We need to do what Dad likes to do, and both of those things are his favorite things to do.

So we head downtown, about 11:30am, and take a hike that is about 2 miles long each way. It’s hot, but flat and a really nice walk. However, I am beat.

This is what I looked like at the end of my hike.

They of course, looked nothing like that.

Here is the Map of where we went. Back and forth, by the way.

View Fathers Day Hike Swamp Rabbit Trail in a larger map 

On our way back to the car, the boys start tell me that they are hungry. Immediately I ask, “Hungry? What do you want to do, go out for lunch? What about mom?” To which I get, “Dad, It’s father’s day. We are your sons and Mom is not.” “We are the ones that should go out with you.” So much for them preparing lunch for me on Father’s Day…

So we head out to get some sushi and rice bowls. But I don’t feel good about going out with Luisa, so we decided on some smoothies.

We get home, and I am just exhausted. Wanting to just go to sleep. As I write this, everybody else is sleeping taking a nap, because of all of the effort put into “Father’s Day”.

Funny thing, is that for Mother’s day, when I ask Luisa what she wants, it is the same thing. Give me some time alone. I don’t want to see anybody or do anything. I need “a break”. Understandable considering that she is with them all of the time. BTW, did I mention I am exhausted?

All kidding aside, being a father is not something that should require thanks. It is an honor, and something that you should do as a selfless act, to help children grow up understanding the values you can instill in them. Such as being a dedicated husband, a great friend, a dedicated worker, an honest person with strong character, will and determination to do what is right in this world. Someone you can have fun with, create special memories and learn from. Someone your children can turn to in times of despair and need. Someone who inspires the best in you, to make them proud. Someone who is there for more than just providing shelter and food. I am a Father, for those reasons and many more. And for that, I am grateful, thankful and blessed to be a father.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers who have truly figured out the reasons for this day.

All you need is a chair for an office

This post is for everybody who says traveling is fun and they wished they could travel. I’ve been on the road for 3 weeks now, after my company announced a new product. For two back to back weeks, I was in FL attending a tradeshow and a sales conference. While I was there, I received a call from someone at the company we are working with, asking if I would be interested in presenting our new solution to the senior execs and their marketing organization.

I jumped at this opportunity to get more exposure for this new solution. So I fly up to NJ without really knowing what to expect. Once I landed I was immediately asked to participate on a conference call. That lasted for 1.5 hours. Luckily I was able to check into my hotel as soon as I got here pretty early and get all set up.

I rush over to the other hotel where the conference was going to be held and meet up with the person that asked me to come. I see 8 other “partners” of this company setting up their booths with big time canvas backdrops and the like. I look and have a monitor for me to plug in my laptop and then say to myself, “oh boy. We need something quick". So I left about an hour later after picking my spot and head over to Kinkos to get some banners and flyers printed.

After about 2 hours, now about 5:30pm, I pick up my “collateral” and head over to a pizza joint to get some slices of NJ pizza.

I go back to my hotel room and work for the next 4.5 hours, finally crashing about 11:30pm.

I wake up the next morning about 7AM and start getting emails, getting ready for breakfast and then head out about 10AM for the event. I have to set up all of this “stuff” and have 30 minutes to do so. " (Note: it was two display stands with my brochures, a 6”h x 24”w banner that I place under the TV, and my devices. 10 minutes flat A Guinness world record.

After about 2 hours of non-stop talking with what felt were a ton of people, I tear down my booth. Again, another speed record. 5 minutes flat. Quick – Call Guinness I tell you!

Right about that time, I get a call from US Airways that my connecting flight was cancelled due to a storm in the area, and that my 1st flight was delayed by an hour. My original flight was at 5:30 and it was pushed to 6:30. I take my time, make a few phone calls and then head to the airport with plenty of time to spare. I also go and stop for gas on the rental since I have soooo much time.

I check in, go through security, and board my plane. We wait about 30 minutes and the pilots start to buzz the flight attendants to inform them of something. I say to myself “uh oh. this can’t be good.”

Sur enough it was not. The flight was cancelled and we are taken off of the plane. They tell us that US Airways has 2, I repeat, 2 agents rebooking flights for people. I get on the phone right way, “cause I am a world traveller you know”, and call US Airways. They tell me that the next available flight was a 5:00AM the next morning.

At this point I pull my computer and rent another car. It is 7:30pm and I have a 5AM flight. I have no intention of checking into a hotel and oversleeping or sleeping at the airport. So I rent a car and go visit some family about 45 minutes away. It’s raining cats and dogs. I knew something was not going to be good when they announced on the TV this morning that the governor had already declared it a state of emergency. Wow.

I go and have a great visit with my family, reminiscing of the old times, and finding out more information on my grandparents and other relatives. I head back around 11:30 and get to the airport at exactly 12:30am. I look for a great place to plug in and charge my PC, my router, and my phone.

So here I am. It is 1:30AM and I am “working” in my new found office at the airport. You see, I am a world traveller and all I need is a chair for an office

What it means to be a Father…

This is actually a topic that I’ve wanted to write about for many years.  Of all of the things that I have accomplished in my life, being a father is something I have really strived to do my best at.  I can tell you that it was not something that came naturally to me as it was not really handed down to me by my own father.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad.  But he raised us with the mindset that as long as we had food on the table, which we did, and clothes to wear, which we did, and a warm bed to sleep in, which we did, he felt he did his duty as a father.  I do not fault him for this approach to fatherhood as he actually did better than his own father did for him.

His father pulled him out of school when he was in 3rd grade so that he can take care of the animals and bring him his lunch while he was working in the fields.  My dad really never recovered from this and many times, expressed his frustration with me about how he was ripped off and never given the chance to have a better life.

When I would come home with my report card showing A’s and B’s, and being in the honor roll, his response was “that’s good.  You can do better you know”.  The day before I got married, he pulled me aside for a father-son moment and said “you know about, you know, right?”  Then proceeded to give me a beer to celebrate me getting married.  I don’t fault him for being the way he is since it is very well known that Hispanic men are supposed to be very machismo and do not show their feelings.  It is definitely the way he was raised.

Even though we lived in very modest, ok, a very humble situation, I did learn to value what I did have and the effort he did for us.  I did get great toys for Christmas even though things were very tight at home.

I strongly believe that you shouldn’t dwell on the past and that you have to look at the future and what you can do to change it.  Throughout my life, I promised myself that I would do better and be different.

I did get very important values from my dad.  How serious I am about my work, and ensuring that I “provide for my family”.  My dedication to church.  I don’t feel the same if I miss going to Sunday Mass.  My dedication to my wife.  Not that I ever saw him express his love to my mom the way I do to my wife.  But that he has always been faithful to her and now, as she is going through her Alzheimer's disease, he is there making sure that she eats, she walks every day, and takes her medicine on time. 

But to me, being a father was always more than just being there.  It was about developing a relationship with your children that enables them to trust you emphatically with everything.  You can earn their respect but at the same time, be their best friend.  The person that they can look up to to aspire to, but also be in awe of, because “you know everything :)” as I was once told.

During my childhood, I had the opportunity to get to know many great father figures.  These men, have touched my life in ways that cannot be understated and clearly made up for the missing items that I so desired in my own life.   I dedicate this blog update to all of the father figures that I have had.  The ones that taught me how to be the father and man that I am today.

My uncle Tito, who took me fishing to a lake on a regular basis.  This person was very wound up at all times.  Smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee but can slow down to catch the largest trout I have ever seen.  I remember my first fishing trip where I did not even have a fishing pole and he made one from a tree branch with some fishing line and a hook.  I recall the excitement, like it was yesterday, coming home with 14 Lafayette (sunnies) and a cat fish, that I caught sitting under the bridge in Lincroft.  At the fresh water reservoir where we were really not supposed to be fishing at the time.  I remember listening to Carly Simon on the way to the bridge.  That is where I not only learned how to fish but developed a passion for fishing.

My uncle Juan, who would take me to Bass River every summer so that I swim.  Juan had 7 kids, but still managed to find room for me in his station wagon.  I recall that he always came across as a gentle and kind person and was always smiling. Little did he know, that I actually almost drowned in one of those trips to the lake.  A bunch of boys, his son’s included, through me into the lake at the deep end, without me knowing how to swim.  It was near a damn and the water was running over the damn.  I felt like I swallowed a gallon of water and through out the entire time, all I heard was, if you want to learn how to swim, that is how you do that.  Talk about sinking or swimming.  Obviously, I did not sink, but I can tell you that I wouldn’t say that I learned how to swim that day either.  Eventually, I would conquer my fear, by going to Seabase with my youngest son, Nick, and passing the swimming test at the age of 44.  I’ve been to the beach and pool many times, but never really learned how to swim due to my fear of drowning due to that event.  Prior going to Seabase, I actually swam every other day for several months straight, practicing and getting ready. I was destined to conquer that fear and I did.

Marcos, who became my sponsor for my confirmation.  Marcos was also the altar server counselor and he helped me through some very difficult times in my life.  Talking to me and just being there when I needed to be able to vent about my life.  He chased me when I was about 13 and I thought I could outrun him.  I was wrong. I ran about 2 blocks and even though he slipped trying to catch up to me, he did manage to catch me and carry me back to his place where he and a friend of mine when I was growing up, proceeded to hit me on my leg until I got a Charlie horse, for my 13th birthday :)  He was also the first person to take me to a movie at the theater.  Beyond and Back was the first movie I saw.  I was in awe, not only because it was the first time I had gone to see a movie on the big screen, but because of the topic as well.

However, of all of the people that I can say, inspired me to be the father I am, I have to give my thanks to my father in law, Miguel.  The relationship I saw between him and his son, was truly something to be in awe of and something I so desired to have in my own life.  Not necessarily for me to have it with my dad, but for me to have it with my own kids.  Many times, would I go to his house, while I was dating Luisy, that I would see him on the floor, wrestling with his son, hearing both Luisy and her mom yelling at both of them to stop because someone was going to get hurt.  The way that he would hug and kiss his kids when they said hello or goodbye.  Even if they were only separating for a few hours.  The way that he welcomed me into his own house, the restaurants that he took me to, the music we would listen together too.  His passion for music, desire for fun and love of life is something else.  He took me in as his own and never once, did I feel any different.  For my 21st birthday, he went and bought 13 lobsters at the supermarket and boiled them.  We then sat down and ate them at one time and I have yet to experience that moment again.

Now that I have my own sons, I have attempted to build a relationship with them, like the one I described above.  I have taken them fishing, swimming, to the movies, camping, hiking, bike riding and places around the world. I have attempted to teach the the value of family.  But most of all, I have attempted to be there for them as their friend, and someone they can talk to at any time.  While at the same time, make sure that they understand the value of working hard, going to church, and pursuing your dreams.

After all of these years, while raising my boys, I thank God that I have been able to get a second chance at reliving or redoing my life, but this time, doing the things that I wanted to do when I was growing up.  The second time around, has been even more amazing, since I did it with my boys.  I hiked with my oldest in New Mexico for a week.  Just the two of us, along with some other dad’s and sons, but in reality, it was just he and I.  We still talk about that trip today.

With my youngest, we sailed on a boat around the Florida keys, sleeping on the deck and looking at the moon and the stars.  But most of all, he was there with me, when I conquered my fear of swimming and I still recall him saying that he was very proud of me.

Over the years, I also gave back to my nephews, the things that were given to me.  I took them fishing, the lake, Disney World, and other places that I know they would not have had a chance to go to while they were young.  I did this because it was the right thing to do and because someone did it for me.

I have also dedicated 9 years to the Boy Scouts.  It was definitely a way for me to get closer to my boys but it also gave me a chance to give back and be something of a role model, based on my own experiences.  I think all fathers should do this.   Be a father to not just your son but all boys so that they can become better men.

I truly hope that my sons understand and appreciate the effort that I have put into trying to be the best father I could be.  To give them goals that they can aspire to achieve, but at the same time, know that if they fall or fail, I will be there to pick them up.

To truly know, what it is to be a Father…

Happy Father’s Day to all of the men who have guided me, inspired me, and helped me become the man I am today.  I am eternally grateful.

25 and Counting

Luisa, 

On May 26th, I was highly encouraged to ask you to the upcoming high school sports banquet by your friend Lucy.  When I asked you, you acted surprised but said yes.  Funny.  Three days later, we went to the banquet and had a very nice time, getting to know each other.  That was 1980.  Five years later, on June 8th, we got married in front of all of our friends and family.  We did not know what was coming, but had spent the last 5 years dating and really getting to understand each other enough that we felt we can definitely do this.  Thinking a like and sharing the same idea of what our future life would be like together and how we wanted to live it.  

Fast forward 25 years, and we have had a lifetime of amazing memories.  We’ve been through some incredible high times and extremely stressful, difficult times.  Wondering how we would make it, for a number of reasons.  At times we have stressed each other out where we both thought we couldn’t do this anymore.  But then we would think of the great times where we would have it no other way. 

Looking back at some of those memories, I think about the beginning where we were preparing to get married, only to get a call from the travel agent, three days before our wedding that United had cancelled our honeymoon to Hawaii due to their strike.  The strike that prompted us to call a month a head of time to confirm that we were still going on, and told by the United employee “oh honey, by that time, the strike will be over with”.  I think about the fantastic trip we had in St. Thomas instead, and how we both got so much sun burn that we had to sleep on separate beds because we were in so much pain.  Good thing it was only for 1 night ;-).  Remember the lady who knocked on our door at 3AM, who was completely drunk?

When we moved into our apartment and you made your first meal.  And the laughter we had cause it did not meet your expectations but I would have eaten it all up without thinking twice.

I think about my first business trip almost a year later and coming back to see you with a brace on your arm.  Wondering if this was how it was going to be.  Me go away and you fall apart!

I think about my trip to PR 4 years later, that also included a side visit to my family.  Calling you in the morning, after several days of being away, only to find out that you were having complications with your pregnancy and had been trying to reach me unsuccessfully.  Rushing home, to be with you.  Five months later to not only see the birth of our first son, but also having moved into our first house at the same time.  While we were excited about these two major milestones, the birth of our first child and our first house, we were also concerned because we were flat broke and could not even afford a Christmas tree!

I think about how we moved multiple times, and then finally ended up in SC.  With you in tears cause you were away from your family for the first time.  Then deciding jointly to have another baby, to be blessed with the ball of fire that came into our lives full of hair, energy and life.  How happy we were once our family was complete!

I think about all of the times that we both have received very bad news due to horrible situations with our families, including the times where we lost those who meant everything to us. And how we were there to support each other in those very painful times.

At the same time, I think about the positive things that we have experienced and how those have made us forget all of our pains. 

The amazing vacations we have taken to Hawaii (we finally went there), France/Spain, Puerto Rico, and all of the trips to Disneyland, Universal and of course, back and forth to NJ and Florida to visit family.  
Holding each other as we watched our kids sleeping, opening their Christmas presents, watching their performances, and seeing them grow up. 

The support you have given me in my career.  The confidence you gave me to continue to pursue my dreams, regardless of the obstacles that were presented by those issues outside of my control. 
How much we laugh together, in the morning, middle of the day, and at night.  Every time.  I swear you will outlive me because of this.

The way we just sit together and talk, hold hands in the car, the way I walk up to you, from behind you and smell your hair and kiss your neck when I come home from work.   

The way you treat my parents, especially now, that we are facing the most crucial test with their health and really do not know what comes ahead of us.

The ultimate highlight of course, being the pride we share at looking at our two sons, whom we have shielded from the challenges we have faced so that they can really take advantage of the opportunity we have provided to them, to give them the chances we have not had, the future they deserve, and the satisfaction that we did our job.  We have followed through on our promise to each other and them, and be proud of every one of their achievements, but also know that we were there to pick them up when needed.  That is indeed our greatest accomplishment and much to be proud of.  But in all honesty, we have done the same with every other child (nephew or niece) that is part of our extended family and have sincerely tried to do what is right.  We definitely set the example of what others should do and how they should behave and act.

After twenty five years, I cannot imagine going on this incredible journey without you and thank God that I did.  I cannot even begin to imagine how amazing the next twenty five are going to be, given how great the last twenty five have been.  Can it really get any better?

I am reminded of the words that we said to each other on the altar, on June 8, 1985 at 3PM and realize that we have definitely lived up to those words.  That they actually defined what we would do and how we would be with each other.

“I, Ralph, take you Luisa to be my wife.  I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.  I will Love you and Honor you, all of the days of my life.”

I will eternally love you and am grateful for the love we share.

Happy 25th Anniversary My Love! 

Ralph

A selfless act of Mother.

In the next few days, it will be Mother’s Day again.  Which got me thinking about the impact my mother has had on me.  I then started thinking about the mother of my kids, my mother-in-law, my grandmother… and all of the women that I have known over the years and the underlying characteristic they have, that all mothers share.  Let me start by wishing all mothers a very happy and much deserved Mother’s Day.

Prepare yourselves.  This is a long one, dedicated to all of the mothers that have touched my life.  I hope that by doing this, my sons can understand and appreciate their own mother to become better men.

My memory at times, does not do me justice and I have forgotten things that I wish were recorded in things like pictures and videos.  Especially of my earliest childhood years.

My mom is a very quiet, non-aggressive and the most non-confrontational person I know. She goes way out of her way to avoid discussions on topics that will create friction for fear of the pain and suffering that it will cause.  Even if it is something that has nothing to do with her.  To say she sweeps things under the rug is an understatement.   To give an example, she and my dad go to the doctor’s office pretty regularly and have been known to wait for 1-2 hours either in a waiting room or in the examination room, while the doctor is running from patient to patient, and according to my dad, has forgotten they are even there for a visit.  When I ask if they want me to say something my mom is quick to say “No, please don’t.  I am sure he is busy with other people and I don’t want him to get mad at us.  It’s not a big deal.”  Of course it is a big deal to my dad and it is a major pet peeve for him.  :)

As I was preparing to write about this, I started to think back of some of the memories I have of my mom, such as when I was about 6 years old and came home crying because I had fallen outside and scraped my elbows and knees. She was the one that would treat those with alcohol and iodine.  Ouch.  It stings even as I write this.  Or for those birthday memories that I have where we would actually share a birthday cake, but only my name was on it.  You see, Mom and I share birthdays.  My dad loves to say, and reminder her every year, that I was a birthday gift for her from him.  To which she would immediately reply, “yes, and she remembers that she was in the hospital on her birthday, because of this “gift”.” 

In my house, as in a lot of Spanish homes at that time, at least those that I was familiar with, the father was the bread winner and the mom was the care giver.  Mom worked just as hard around the house, cooking all meals, doing the chores and babysitting. I think  most of the town’s kids were raised by my mom.  I still remember her kneeling down, washing our clothes on a washboard in the tub. 

Mom was the go to person for everything.  To some extent the same applies today but I do believe that fathers are much more involved in parenting so the lines have definitely become more blurred in this regard. 

I remember Mom sitting next to me in bed, teaching me how to pray, or feeding me Lipton chicken soup when I was sick. 

When I was about 11, my Mom’s dad, my Grandfather who used to live with us, passed away.  I remember bits and pieces of things he did around the house or the times I spent with him.  But the thing I remember most, was actually when my Mom came home from the hospital with my Dad, after my Grandfather had just passed away and seeing my mom crying as she walked up the stairs saying to me “Se no fue Rafy, se murio” which means, “he left us Ralphy, he died”.  I tried to think about how she felt about this and tried to support her even though I was devastated myself.

When I was in fourth grade, my Mom went with me to school to sign me up for band.  I wanted to be a drummer and needed my parents permission to do this.  I also needed $10 so that I can get my drum pad kit.  Mom came with me and I remember her taking the money out of her purse to pay for it.  I was excited as heck to be doing this. 

Years later, when I was in 10th grade, our band had a concert and not only was Mom there but the person who would eventually become my wife, and the mother of my kids was there as well.  The concert was actually for Mother’s day.  We were given a flower from the band to give to our Moms and I did.  I did not have one for Luisa at the time and I remember thinking about whether I was doing the right thing giving it to mom or should I give it to my girlfriend.  This was the first of many conflicting decisions over time.  I ended it up giving it to Mom.  What also made the decision much easier was that Luisa said it was ok with her for me to do so.

Later on, as I continued to date Luisa, we would go out dancing or to the movies or I would come back late from her parent’s house.  No matter what time of the night I would come in, I recalled walking into the door and seeing mom, in her robe, waiting for me, making sure I got back in time and was safe at home.

I remember moving out of the house and into my first apartment and remember my mom crying because I was leaving.  This was a few months before I married Luisa.  Funny thing was, I moved less than 10 minutes away and would still get to see mom almost every day.

I eventually moved out of state, and finally, after several years, convinced my parents to retire and move down with me.  I go over there several times a week to see my parents and love walking in and seeing the expression on Mom’s face when I walk in.  You know, it’s one of those things when you walk up to your dad, and you get a hug but it is like one of those “hey son” moments.  But when I hug mom, it is like “hi baby”.

Now that my mom is dealing with Alzheimer's, those hugs mean the world to me.   How she hugs and kisses me.  How she can still see and recognize me is something that just tears into my soul.  Sometimes I sit and stare are her, just to see if I can figure out what is going on in her mind, while I see her staring into space, wondering what she is thinking.  Of course, waiting for her to ask me if I want hot chocolate, no matter what the temperature is outside :) which she does this every time I go over there.

When I start thinking about all of the other women, such as my mother-in-law, my grandmother, my wife’s grandmother and especially my wife, I cannot but help to think about the same characteristic and traits they all share.

The selfless way they put everybody ahead of themselves.  It is unfortunate that we scramble on Mother’s day to say thank you for everything mothers do for us.  It needs to be something we do EVERYDAY.  But at least on Mother’s day, on behalf of my boys and myself, I say to my wife, “Happy Mother’s Day”.  But from the depths of my heart, I say to my Mom, Thank You.  Even though you lost your mom when you were only 3 years old and did not have one to help you grow and teach you about how a mother is supposed to act and what role they play in our lives, you did what came naturally to a mother.  For this, I will be eternally grateful.

Happy Mother’s Day.

It’s like riding a bike - once you learn you never forget.

When I was growing up, my bike was my freedom.  It took me places that nobody else did.   It gave me the ability to experience things, go places and entertain myself like nothing else. 

I got my first bike when I was about 8.  I remember my dad coming home with it and telling me he had something for me.  It had training wheels and when I first got them taken off, I felt like I could do anything.  I did not know this at the time that I got it, but it was actually a girls bike.   Of course, this was quickly brought to my attention by one of the kids in the neighborhood. 

From that point on, I really did not want to use that bike.  But the bug had bit me and I wanted to really have my wheels.  For Christmas, my dad made up for it in style and got me a Huffy BMX style bike.  It was amazing and the best.   As I got older, I wanted a bigger bike, so I saved my own money and purchased a used Fuji white 10 speed racing bike.  It was great.

I would wake up in the morning, hop on my bike and come back way into the night.   I would go from our local town to the park two towns over – through the highway, and onto the trails.  I would go to the next town and get my haircut.  On my way there or back, I would get chased by dogs and they could not keep up with me and my 10 speed.

It would also help me get to and from my baseball games.  My bike was everything.  I got so good at it that I could ride the bike with no hands,  I could run and jump unto my bike, and I would also be seen popping and riding wheelies up and down the street, for what seemed to be miles at a time.  It was probably close to a quarter or half mile at most, but it felt like I was Evel Knievel and a lot of people knew me for this.
I would ride bikes with and without my friends.  At times, we had a caravan of about 10 people riding around town and to the park.  One time, I was riding so fast down a hill, that a car pulled up beside me when I was riding and he said that I was travelling 34 miles an hour!

Today, about 31 years later, I went on a 34 mile bike ride called the Virginia Creeper Trail with my son, Nick, and the scout troop he is in.  We had 38 people there and we broke up into 3 groups.  I was in the first group because, of course, in my mind, I feel like I am still 14 and was amazing on my bike when I was younger.  We started at White Top mountain, going through Damascus and ended up down in Abingdon, VA.  It was long, it was intense and it was very painful.  I didn’t remember going through this much pain, on my bottom when I was young.  But man, oh man, does it hurt now. 

I haven’t driven a bike for several years and definitely not like I did when I was growing up.  As I type this the pain is gone.  At least most of it, but it was definitely worth it.  Not only were the memories rushing through my mind when I was riding, but I was taking this trip with my 14 year old son.  So I got to relive this great experience with my son who was at the age I was when I experienced those beautiful memories.  We pushed each other, we slowed down, we raced each other and it was absolutely the best time.  It is definitely worth all of the pain I went through to get to the end of the trail.

We finished the trek in 3 hours and 10 minutes, had a 45 minute lunch break, travelled an average of 11 miles an hour and at one point, were travelling 21 miles per hour.  Not as fast as my “record” but man it was fast. :)

We saw 2 snakes, had 1 flat tire (in the group), had 2 chains come loose, had 2 leg cramps and had a major wipe-out which I helped clean with my first aid kit.  It was a blast and great to experience something that I have not felt since I was a teenager.  Especially seeing that I still had it in me.

What a great time.

Nick and I at the end of the trail.

Here is a map to the trail we took.

View Virginia Creeper Trail in a larger map

What Easter means to me….

Tomorrow is Easter. Easter is one of the holiest days of the year for Christians, a time to see the innocence of kids scrambling around for Easter Eggs, eating chocolate, especially for those who gave it up for lent, but it also is a day of remembrance for our family. Easter is the day that Luisa’s grandmother passed away. Mima, as she as affectionately called, raised Luisa from the point that she was a baby. I met her when I started dating Luisa when I was in high school. Actually, I think I met her before then, as she was a seamstress in the town I grew up in and I remember going to her house with my mom to get some clothes hemmed.

To be honest, when Luisa and I started dating, Mima actually did not like me. She did not like me because I am Puerto Rican and her family is Cuban. Even though there is a saying that Puerto Ricans and Cubans are two wings of the same bird, she obviously did not see it that way. You see, when Mima came over from Cuba in the mid 60’s, all she heard were rumors about Puerto Rican guys hitting their wives, and she immediately assumed the worst of what could become to her precious granddaughter :)

My family is not like that, and never has been. Nor was I aware of any of the so called Puerto Ricans that did that in the town I grew up in. Anyhow, Luisa and I dated for about 5 years before we got married. Over time, Mima softened up her view of me and we actually grew to have an amazing relationship with each other. She took care of our first son, Dan, along with Luisa’s mom and my mom. Every afternoon, I would go to Mima’s house to pick up Danny from her house and find him in the yard in the back of the house playing with his dinosaurs with Mima. She would tell us stories about her adventures with Dan and how he would try to run away from her when she took him for a walk.

Over the years, Mima and I loved to enjoy listening to music together. She would love to play these games with my brother in law where she would tell him what music I had purchased and then tell me what music he would purchase. Adding fuel to the flame just to get us to enhance our music tastes and collection.

She lived in FL with Luisa’s parents and her brother’s family. But she would fly up or would get dropped off to spend weeks with us at a time. During those times, she would always look out for my best interest and ask Luisa, what she was planning on making for dinner. To make sure that I was taken care of. Since I have a very adventurous appetite, pretty much eating anything prepared, she loved to cook for me, making traditional Spanish foods that Luisa would not eat but that she would and of course, I would.

This went on for many years. Even after her love, Mipo, of over 50 years, passed away, Mima had the will to live life to her fullest. Enjoying her family, especially her grandchildren and great grandchildren. They were her pride and joy and everybody knew this. She was extremely faithful and always believed that she had better things that awaited her.

My dad’s mother, whom I saw only 4 times in my life, was the only “related” grandmother that I knew of. That is of course, until I met Mima. She gave me so much to look forward to. To enjoy and to appreciate. She gave me a lifetime of memories and a new appreciation of my heritage and my culture. She inspired me to rise up to the occasion and to prove to her that Puerto Rican’s were not what she thought they were but what I was able to make her see.

I loved to give her grief and would constantly remind her about how much she did not like me at first. She would always immediately respond that she was so sorry and that she did not know me. I did this not to be evil but to kid around with her. I would also tell Luisa that, in the end, Mima loved me more than her. Of course, that was not the case, since Luisa was everything for her. But I do believe that Mima loved me like a grandson and I absolutely loved her as a grandmother. I actually got to know her more than my own grandmother and I sincerely could not have asked for a better one than Mima.

So, Easter is of course a very special day for me. It is a Holy day. A holiday. A day with beautiful memories of all of the Easter baskets that we have given the kids, the pictures we have taken and, and the restaurants that we have gone to, to celebrate Easter. But most of all, it is the day that I will remember for the rest of my life. The day that Mima went to be with Jesus. I miss you.