We can do better

We can do better.  About a month ago, Dan and I were talking about what it was like to raise a child in "today's" environment.  The challenges of parenting, especially to a young little baby girl are compounded by the political environment, the never ending pandemic, the insane amount of guns threatening everyday life in schools, movie theaters, parks, churches,... no matter where you go.

Add to this the hate.  I mean the real hatred that everyday Americans have for one another.  At one point, until recently it seemed as though the majority of Americans valued the cultural differences that this great nation's melting pot fostered.  We relished the opportunity to go to Chinatown, Little Italy, an authentic Indian or Japanese restaurant.  We all wore green on St. Patrick's day and downed our fair share of Margaritas on Cinco de Mayo.  We raised our flags on the 4th of July and enjoyed hot dogs together at the local baseball park until we stood up for the 7th inning stretch singing Sweet Caroline.

Then it happened.  Like the flip of a switch, the undercurrent of hostility, racism, animosity towards one another came to the forefront and became an everyday occurrence for us. It was everywhere you turned.  You could not go to a store without hearing someone yelling at another person for them to "go home".  

When I moved to SC from NJ, the common question was where are you from and what church did you go to?  Now it is where are you from, no, really from.  People wearing t-shirts saying "If you have problems with this flag, let me know and I will help you pack your bags".

What happened to the great melting pot?  The common thread that made us unique in who we are, a people with a common goal to provide the opportunity for any person of this great country to pursue the American Dream and make our children's lives better than our own.

In 1931, James Truslow Adams wrote in The Epic of America, “The American Dream is that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement."

That philosophy is rooted in the Declaration of Independence that clearly states: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness.”

Our family's favorite pastor is Jorge Acevedo from Grace United Methodist Church in Cape Coral, FL.  In a recent service and sermon, Pastor Jorge addresses a topic that frankly, I wish all clergy from all of the churches would have addressed years before we got to this point.  Specifically about 57 minutes into the sermon (but frankly the whole sermon is worth watching) he addresses the polarization of the American political culture.  

I won't spoil it for those that should watch it but needless to say, I personally believe this is one of the primary causes of our problems, among many others that have planted the seeds of animosity towards others as I have described above.

On a slightly different note, but within the same theme, on Amazon Prime day, I was presented with a doll that was on sale. I thought, maybe I could buy one for my new granddaughter.  Yes, she is too young but Prime day comes once a year, I thought.  As I perused the different ones they had, my jaw dropped when I came across the last one.

"One of these things is not like the other"

Why on earth would the only doll representing a person of color have straight, purple hair, light hazel eyes but to really highlight the discrepancy that jumped out at me, not be as affordable or on sale as the others?  All the other "American Girl" dolls were on sale for $69 but not this one which was almost twice the cost at $115.  Whether it was intentional and in poor taste, neglect by a quality control team or a supplier asleep at the wheel, we would never know.  My point about the doll's hair and eyes is not that people of color don't paint their hair or use contacts that change the color of their eyes but why did the designer of the dolls go out of their way to change a person's natural beauty?

In the town of Greenville, 10 minutes from where I live, during the summer they have a Latin dance event once a month for about 3 months.  It gives my wife and I an opportunity to head downtown and dance to Latin music, typically from a band from the Carolinas, where it is not just the Spanish speaking members of the community that come to dance but many times we see people from all walks of life, dancing in the nightlight to the rhythm of the beat.   

I want to get back to those days.  That to me is when America was on the right path to being great.  While we still had a way to go to reach the American Dream stated earlier, we respected and valued the difference in each other.  When we appreciated each other and accepted people for who they are and the cultural difference we each contributed to this great melting pot.

To my sons Dan and Nick.  The reason your mom and I decided to have a family was because we knew we could make the world a better place with you guys in it.  That you both would be the best of what we had to offer the world and that we would know that the values we instilled in both of you would be shared by you guys with others. 

To you and everybody else I say the following:

We can do better.  We must do better.

V A N I L L A

A Year in the making.

I have been planning for this day for over a year.  The day that I would celebrate my birthday with my new birthday companion.  My birthday buddy Kaden who was born on Aug 25th to fill a gap that I had in my soul after my original birthday buddy, my Mom, passed away.

Everyone that knows me knows how I felt about my birthday starting with the year mom passed away which I called my half birthday.  After that year, I did not really feel like celebrating my birthday anymore.  It was a very sad day with all of the Facebook memories and people sending me messages saying how they knew I was in pain but that she was in a better place and celebrating the day with me.  Unfortunately it was not something that I could just easily "get over" especially after having lost both Dad and then Mom within roughly a year.  I was in a dark place and my birthday was not a reminder of the blessed life I had, but of the massive loss I had and especially the feeling of emptiness due to the loss of my birthday buddy.  That feeling lasted 3 birthdays until this year, 2022 when I finally had something to look forward to again for this day.

When you are young, you look forward to your birthday for the gifts and being the center of attention.  At my age, I was not looking for either but the precious memories I could continue to make of a unique day I shared with someone special in my life.

I actually have a really good friend, Mike V. from NJ, who shares that same birthday.  Every year, including the most recent dark years, I would send an email, text or voicemail and wish my brother from another mother a happy birthday.  So while I am not technically alone on my birthday, especially since I have my wife, our sons and extended family that make the day special for me, I have not been really looking forward to it or in the mood to celebrate.  

Promises Made, Promises Kept.

So for 365 days, after the news broke that Kaden was actually born on my birthday, I was planning how I would celebrate our special day together.  I knew what we were going to do but not how it would be accomplished.

We would enjoy our first ice cream together.  My new birthday buddy and grand nephew, Kaden and I would have Vanilla ice cream for our shared birthday.

I'm not really a cake person and ice cream is my achilles heel.  I believe it had to do with what I was told about my mom.  Mom apparently only wanted to eat only ice cream during her pregnancy with me.  So much so that when I was born, I weighed slightly over 5 lbs at full term.  So my sweet tooth is all about ice cream like my mom.  She absolutely loved it and as she progressed in her Alzheimer's disease, ice cream was a real treat for her that she would absolutely tear up.

In preparation for Kaden's first time eating ice cream with his birthday buddy, I spent the year looking for recipes online with the hopes of finding the best recipe for homemade Vanilla ice cream.  I even purchased a Ninja Creami ice cream maker so I can make fresh Vanilla ice cream.  

I was so excited about the ice cream maker that when I took it out of the box, the outer bowl and lid fell out of the box and onto the floor.  Needless to say, the lid broke before I even got to use it the first time.  It took a few weeks before it was available before I got my replacement. I guess the same thing has happened to others.

About a month before our birthday, I started practicing making Vanilla ice cream and also created some other flavors.  The pamphlet that came with the Ninja has a very good homemade Vanilla recipe that was spot on.  I practiced several times so that I can perfect it the day before and have fresh ice cream to share with my little buddy.  

I actually had 3 flavors I prepared.  Vanilla, Vanilla Chocolate Chip and Vanilla with fresh strawberries.  As I stated previously, we are going to have Vanilla, in honor of Mom, but I wanted to have a variety of special flavors since it was his first time eating ice cream.  

The look on Kaden's face as he was having ice cream was priceless.  He loved it, especially the one with fresh strawberries.  However the look he gave me after taking a few bites took me down.  It stopped me in my tracks as I recalled the numerous times I would feed mom and she would give me a similar look.

After I recomposed myself, everybody else jumped in and participated in the ice cream festivities. 

I did not expect to react that way and while I was delighted that Kaden liked the home made ice cream (not sure he would tell the difference or understand the significance of it being home made), it made my day and my birthday special, once again.  It had a innate feeling to be able to celebrate my birthday with a buddy.  I am sure that over time, it will become even better for us as he looks forward to that day as well and we can plan the flavors together.

That same day we paid a visit to the cemetery together to talk with mom about the special day the three of us shared.  It also was a way for me to thank mom for my new birthday buddy.

In the end, it felt "complete" having done all of this on my birthday.  I have always been one to appreciate the symbolism of things.  It's the small things or the attention to details that matter to me.   Like how we walked together holding hands.

Angela & Dylan.  Thank you for having Kaden wait until his first birthday before he tasted Ice cream.  It made the day even more special to me.  What flavor do you think we should do for next year?  Let the planning begin.