Have you ever wondered what it is like to be told that you have a son that you did not know about, and by the way who is almost 50 years old when you found out?
The other day, I was visiting Mom when I noticed something was wrong. She did not stand up to hug and kiss me as I walked through the door like she normally does. I immediately noticed it and in my usual, kidding self, said “Hey, what’s the matter, you don’t want to say hi?” She just sat there and when I got close she did not know what I was doing.
My sisters have been experiencing this for 6 months and I knew it was a matter of time that it would happen to me. To say I was prepared for this, yes and no. I knew it was going to happen but did I expect it that day, or to happen like that? No. How did I react? I was luckily sensitized to this and understood what was happening so I toned down my usual rhetoric and sat next to her, with some space between us and then proceeded to pick up a birthday book that we have on the coffee table to show her some pictures. The book is something that I put together of the last birthday celebration we had a couple of years back. I turned 48, and she turned 70. We share birthdays and for the past almost 50 years I have celebrated my birthday with her and she knew that. When I showed her the book, she obviously did not remember her birthday, nor who I was, nor that I was her son or that she was 70! That was the thing that shocked her the most. She immediately turned to me and said “WHAT? What are your saying? How old am I?” She was shocked. It was cute and helped soften the fact that she forgot me and it was the beginning of the next phase. Right now, Dad is the only one that she has remembered consistently but I am sure that won’t be for long.
The fact that I will not have the shared memories with her where we talk about how we share birthdays is going to be hard. Since they moved down to SC, I have gone to her house or another place like a park every birthday to share a single cake with two sets of candles. I’ve walked into her house singing “Happy Birthday to Me and You! Happy Birthday to me and you…” while carrying the cake. I am afraid I will not be able to do that anymore.
Two nights ago, I went there to see how she was doing and she remembered me and was all smiles. The next day, I called and said I could not come over since I was going out. She heard this, and said “Hmm. I have to have a talk with him. It’s been days since he has been here.” I showed up the next day and she did not really know who I was again. I told her gently that it was me, her son and she looked at Dad and said, “Is it true that he is your son?” Dad responded that I am his and hers. That she has 4 kids. I am the oldest, and she has 3 daughters.
I don’t know what the next months will bring but it is clear, we have entered another phase of this disease and have to be more conscious of what she is going through. After all, how would you react if you were told, that you had a son or daughter that was now 50 years old that you did not know about?
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