My Personal Challenge with the #IceBucketChallenge

The latest Internet Craze, which is not crazy but an amazing example of the power of the Internet and the desire to do what is right, is the #IceBucketChallenge phenomenon that is bringing much needed awareness and donations to the ALS community. 

I am in absolute awe as to the power of the Internet, the people, and a much needed human desire to “do the right thing”. It gives me hope that there is humanity still in this world compared to the doom and gloom that exists with wars, hatred, racism, extremism and pain in dealing with diseases that we are all exposed to on a daily basis.

I come home from work every day after a long day to walk in through one door in my house, swallow my dinner whole and then exit the other door and go visit my mom who has been losing her own battle with Alzheimer’s. It is a battle that she has been waging and losing for the past 6 years since she was diagnosed. I can’t say that we are the ones waging the battle, as although we are definitely suffering, she is the one that is losing herself to this dreadful disease.

I was challenged to take the IceBucketChallenge by my brother in law, and my cousin on the same day. This was right before I was going out of town, and also the day that I was going to visit my parents, which I normally do, right before I leave on a trip to say my goodbyes. I struggled with how to complete my challenge in the 24 hour period I was given when 24 hours later, I would be in a different city.

I struggled with the thought that while I absolutely, in my heart, know it is for a great cause and personally know someone who died as a result of this horrific disease; I am seeing my own mother, who I am about to share another birthday with, continue to die right in front of me.

I struggled with the fact that, while I was ecstatic that the ALS organization is getting the attention it absolutely deserves, and the poor souls dealing with this disease are getting an opportunity to hope for a future without this disease; the disease that my mom, and family, are dealing with does not seem any closer to being solved.

I struggled to think about what crazy Internet sensation I can come up with that would enable those families like ours that are dealing with Alzheimer’s to get a similar sense of hope through increased awareness and donation that I also feel is rightly deserved.

I took my trip, spent the day in the hotel watching ALS Ice Bucket videos and others that ranged from funny to sad to downright painful that I cried and could not stop thinking about them, so I watched them 2 or 3 times.

I felt bad and almost ashamed; like I was robbing the poor victims of something they deserve and being “jealous” of the fact that they got what they absolutely needed through this campaign.

I even thought about which was the worse of two evils: Losing your mind through Alzheimer’s but having a healthy body, or losing your body through ALS and having a healthy mind.

In the end, I did what I though was the right thing. I donated to the ALS Association and then matched it with an equal donation to the Alzheimer’s Association.

I almost lost my dad to cancer a few years ago, lost one of my grandfathers to it, and lost my other grandfather to Leukemia early on in my childhood.

There are many wars and battles being waged in our lives. Some we will win, others we may lose. These battles define who we are, challenge our faith unimaginably, but also help us grow stronger in it. Through these recent battles with cancer and Alzheimer’s, I have grown closer to my parents, my wife and kids, and my sisters and their families. I don’t have hope that we will find the cure for Alzheimer’s in time to save my mom but I have the knowledge and satisfaction of knowing that we have done the right thing, taken care of her, and created special memories of all of the times we have shared with her, through her ups and downs.

I came back home and completed my challenge. I also raised it by challenging my three brother in-laws to do it as well. After all, we are in this world together, we need each other in order to survive and it is the right thing to do. Pay it forward.

Heredia ALS #IceBucketChallenge

In memory of John Gregory Kajs who lost his battle to ALS a few years ago. 

Donate to ALS here: www.alsa.org

Donate to ALZ here: www.alz.org

Those amazing powerful words – “I Love You”

It is amazing how impactful the words “I Love You” are.  It’s been quite some time since I’ve heard that from my mom.  She has progressed so much in her disease that I really cannot remember when the last time was that she truly recognized me.

I go there several times a week, to check up on her and dad, and am very satisfied when she is ok, and I get a smile.  I try hard to make her laugh saying things that I know in the past would do so, such as asking her if I was her favorite, or “I have a question to ask you” to which I normally get the response from her “Oh boy, here he goes again”.

Most recently I asked her “What’s a matter for you” to see what she would say and she looked at me and corrected me by saying “no se dice For you, se dice With You” which made me bust out laughing cause I got a response.   Lately though, I don’t get anything.  Just a blank stare wondering who I am.

For father’s day, we were having everybody get together at Dad’s house.  I walked in to his house and dad was outside with my sister.  Mom was inside just walking around in the kitchen, looking for everybody I guess.  I asked her to come over to me and I grabbed her arms and told her “I Love You mom”.  She looked at me and said – “Yes but my husband is outside”.  In other words – Thank you but I’m taken already!  Another memory created.

Yesterday, June 28th, I went over there with Luisa and when I walked in dad was sitting in his chair, as usual watching a baseball game and mom was lying on her bed.  She heard the noise of the door chime and sat up on her bed.  I walked in and calmly said hi.  I asked her if she wanted to get up and she did not really answer me so I asked her to lay back down to relax that it was just us.  I told her that I would be in the next room with dad and she can just stay there.  She had trouble just trying to lay back down so I helped her by picking up her feet to lay them back on the bed.  She struggled with this and thought that she was going to fall.  She got comfortable and I came close to her face and grabbed her face and said “I Love you so much mom”, to which she immediately responded “I love you too baby.” Tears immediately started running down my eyes.  I kissed her forehead and walked away letting her lay there.

I smiled and walked into the living room and sat down.  We were there for a few minutes when she popped out of the bedroom and looked at all of us there.

We all said hi and asked her to join us.  As she was walking around dad to get to the sofa, Luisa said – “Look Angela, here is your son” to which she immediately responded, “Oh my God, Really?”.

Easy Come, Easy Go.  Today was a great day.  I now had two memories for that day.

Living The Dream

Growing up in the small town in NJ, I remember hearing the marching band coming down the streets for a parade, be it the annual Christmas parade or about a football game coming, or whatever.  It was an event and everybody would run out of their homes to see it once they heard the drums echoing through the streets.

I remember my mom saying “Ralphy, the parade is coming” and we would fly down those stairs.  I was probably in 2nd grade or 3rd grade.  That lead to me wanting to play the drums.  When I got into 4th grade, during orientation, my mom walked with me to the band room and I was there with her when I met the band director, Mr. Pampel. She told him that I wanted to join the band and play drums.  He looked at me and chuckled cause I was about 3 feet tall at most. OK maybe a little bigger than that but not by much.  I took home the forms and had to pay $20 so that I can get the drum pad, my sticks, the book and before you know it, I was a drummer.  In the concert band .  The marching band was for 7th graders and above. 

I played for several years in concerts until I got my big break to join the marching band.  My first parade was at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, NJ.  Though I didn’t play the drums.  I played the cowbell and man was I nervous.  I remember playing a standard continuous 4 beat quarter note rhythm.  That’s when Pampel ran to me and said “put some soul into it, after all you are Spanish, right? Where’s your latin beat?”.  So I started playing the cowbell like there was no tomorrow and I remember the girls in another band start dancing to my rhythm.  That was amazing.

Around my 5th grade, the priest at our church asked who wanted to play guitar.  I was an alter server and told him that I wanted to.  He made arrangements to hire an instructor to teach us how to play guitar but it was so that we can play at the church.  I agreed and when I was 13, I bought my first guitar.  I played guitar for years at the church, practically until I got married.  So music has been part of my life all along from when I was young.  I almost went to music school until I got bit by the computer bug.  I’ll tell that story another time. 

I would always dream that I was in a rock band, and would spend hours trying to come up with names like “Frequency”, “Classic Soul”, “Latin Connection”… I would be the lead guitarist and would also jump on the drums every now and then.

My oldest son, Dan, practically followed my footsteps wanting to join the band at school and asking me what my opinion was for an instrument.  I told him that I always loved the trumpet, but that I was a drummer at school and that was the coolest instrument for a band.  He agreed and next you know he played the drums all throughout middle and high school and loved it.  He was good at what he did but to this day we still argue as to who is better in the drums.

Now, my youngest son Nick, had no interest in the drums.  We got him a pair when he was about 6 months old and he would use the mallets to hit his older brother when he wasn’t looking.  However, we got him a guitar and that was it.  He found his true passion.  At 18 months old, he would strap on the guitar and you would swear he was doing an Elvis impersonation.  Those hips would move like you can’t imagine and he thought he was on stage all of the time.  Playing the electric guitar with no strings and big red, blue, green and yellow buttons making only noise and shaking his hips like he was being electrocuted.

When he was in middle school he started to play the violin as there were no guitar lessons in middle school.  He did that for 2 years and then asked if we would pay for guitar lessons at a local music shop. We took him to and after listening to the music teachers and talking with some of the students, we offered to pay for his lessons but only under the condition that he play guitar at church.  After all, that is what I did.  He quickly agreed. 

Unlike me, he really picked it up and for him it was almost like an infatuation.  He would constantly watch YouTube videos (we did not have those back then) and study how the greatest rock and roll artists would play the instrument.  He would analyze the way they played, pause the video, rewind it, and repeat it until he figured out how to replay what they did.  He was really good at it.  He did this for hours every day. 

He had the same aspiration of joining a band, playing concerts and writing his own music like I did.  Truth be told, he was better than I was almost immediately, due to his obsession and passion.  His obsession is what I lacked, though the additional tools, training and ability to view what others did easily did give him an advantage I did not have.

Fast forward several years, and guess what.  He did it.  He was asked to play at a benefit concert and that is where he met up with another band.  They asked him if he wanted to jam with him some time.  He said yes and a few weeks later, the band changed their lead singer and asked him to join the band.  They changed their name, and their style (from screamo Rock to Alternative), and they started writing music and playing at a local club.  Just this past week, they released their first single through a streaming service and now it is available on iTunes, Amazon and Google Play.

Things are definitely much easier now but at the same time, his tenacity, desire to do this, and natural talent has brought him closer to doing what he wants to do for a career.  As a parent, I am so proud of him but as someone that also had aspirations to do what he is doing, his accomplishments make me feel complete.  They say you live your life through your kids but I personally what that means to me is that it is great to see them do what you were not able to, and man does that feel great.  While I don’t regret changing my career at the last minute from music to computers it does give me an amazing amount of satisfaction to see him up there playing with his band and getting one step closer to “Living the Dream”.  Congratulations Nick on the release of your first single. I am sure it won’t be the last.

Check out Diary of a Hero by Billy and the Cosbys.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/diary-of-a-hero/id838356405?i=838356493

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Hero-Billy-Cosbys/dp/B00IX9ELYQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&ie=UTF8&qid=1394547574&sr=1-1&keywords=billy+and+the+cosby

https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Billy_and_the_Cosbys_Diary_of_a_Hero?id=Bt6wsw2cwpzkagfwxms3cmn2lja

This is One Way of Defining Karma!

One of my sons recently had a situation where he was walking out of work and was approached by a person asking for money.  He told him that he had run into bad times and needed help.  The stranger told my son that he actually knew him.  My son looked at him and was not sure of this and the guy proceeded to tell him that he lived in the same sub-division and that he also knew his father (me) as well.

My sons are both Eagle Scouts and have always tried to “do the right thing” and to “help other people at all times”.  So he turned around and went back into work, and hit the register to withdraw some money.  He walked out and gave the stranger money and then came home, feeling good about what he had done. 

When he got home he told us about this story and my wife and I of course hit the panic button.  While, yes it is morally right to do things like this, it does create a potential situation for something bad to happen.  Especially at 10 PM! 

Who knows if that person had been observing my son as he did this and had a few friends in the parking lot, waiting for him to come out with the money and then did something bad like beat him up, stolen all of his money, or who knows what else.  We gave him examples of situations that we had experienced where people took advantage of us in a similar way and now we officially give money to charity and the poor through official organizations and channels, instead of out of the blue to a person on the street. It was not our intent but our son really took it bad and felt really bad.  To make it worse, while we were discussing this, his story changed several times because he was really concerned about what he had done as well as embarrassed.  He originally told us it was “about $10” but then it changed his tune to be “about $15” to he finally caved and said he gave the man $20.  He was really upset and we tried to calm him down and chalk it up as a learning experience.

The next day, my son leaves school and heads to the mall to take care of a few things.  He meets with some friends and is there for a few hours.  He comes home and tells us that he really believes in Karma.  Given the generosity he demonstrated the day before, someone is really looking out for him.  You see, he met up with a few friends and had something to eat at the food court. But those friends he met with happen to be girls that wanted his opinion on something.  They had him go with them to Victoria Secret’s to check out some bra’s that they would then proceed to try on and get his opinion on.   Of course, while they were wearing them!  Needless to say, our son felt very excited about what he had just done and how he had helped them with their problem as well  

Leave it to Karma to teach him that if he does a good dead, there is a very good chance it will pay him back in very interesting ways, and may actually get his money’s worth!

Easy Come, Easy Go

Have you ever wondered what it is like to be told that you have a son that you did not know about, and by the way who is almost 50 years old when you found out?

The other day, I was visiting Mom when I noticed something was wrong.  She did not stand up to hug and kiss me as I walked through the door like she normally does.  I immediately noticed it and in my usual, kidding self, said “Hey, what’s the matter, you don’t want to say hi?” She just sat there and when I got close she did not know what I was doing. 

My sisters have been experiencing this for 6 months and I knew it was a matter of time that it would happen to me.  To say I was prepared for this, yes and no. I knew it was going to happen but did I expect it that day, or to happen like that?  No.  How did I react?  I was luckily sensitized to this and understood what was happening so I toned down my usual rhetoric and sat next to her, with some space between us and then proceeded to pick up a birthday book that we have on the coffee table to show her some pictures.  The book is something that I put together of the last birthday celebration we had a couple of years back.  I turned 48, and she turned 70.  We share birthdays and for the past almost 50 years I have celebrated my birthday with her and she knew that.  When I showed her the book, she obviously did not remember her birthday, nor who I was, nor that I was her son or that she was 70!  That was the thing that shocked her the most.  She immediately turned to me and said “WHAT? What are your saying? How old am I?” She was shocked.  It was cute and helped soften the fact that she forgot me and it was the beginning of the next phase.  Right now, Dad is the only one that she has remembered consistently but I am sure that won’t be for long.

The fact that I will not have the shared memories with her where we talk about how we share birthdays is going to be hard.  Since they moved down to SC, I have gone to her house or another place like a park every birthday to share a single cake with two sets of candles.  I’ve walked into her house singing “Happy Birthday to Me and You! Happy Birthday to me and you…” while carrying the cake.  I am afraid I will not be able to do that anymore.

Two nights ago, I went there to see how she was doing and she remembered me and was all smiles.  The next day, I called and said I could not come over since I was going out.  She heard this, and said “Hmm.  I have to have a talk with him.  It’s been days since he has been here.”  I showed up the next day and she did not really know who I was again.  I told her gently that it was me, her son and she looked at Dad and said, “Is it true that he is your son?”  Dad responded that I am his and hers.  That she has 4 kids.  I am the oldest, and she has 3 daughters.

I don’t know what the next months will bring but it is clear, we have entered another phase of this disease and have to be more conscious of what she is going through.  After all, how would you react if you were told, that you had a son or daughter that was now 50 years old that you did not know about?