Memories

Now that I have been dealing with someone in my family with dementia, I continue to wonder what it would be like if I lost my ability to remember.  While dementia realistically affects short term memory, it is the long term memory that I truely treasure.  At the same time, I wonder, what it would be like if I was able to really understand what went through my grandparent's minds, or how they thought, when they were younger.  What happened to them while they were growing up?  That made me want to leave a legacy for my boys, and my future grandchildren.

My goal is to record my memories, primarily so that I can leave that legacy I spoke about. But also to give me a chance to remember moments in my life that have made me who I am.  Who knows, it is probably nothing more than a mid-life crisis that I am going through. :)  Hahah.

My memories will be random, but it is designed to record things that I want to share.

So let's begin.

I want to start by stating that you cannot really know where you are going unless you have a good understanding of where you came from.  So many times I come across people that feel that they are entitled to get things.  Looking for the handout or for the silver platter.  I don't recall doing that.  I recall wondering "why me" all of the time while I was growing up.  I recall why things were hard for me. 

When I was in about the 7th grade, I remember being teased because I did not have designer jeans.  The funny thing is that designer jeans at that time, were Levis and Wrangler.  It was so much pressure at that time.  Pressure that I am sure is similar to what teens go through today for other reasons, especially a lot more than what was probably a $20 pair of jeans at the time.

I finally got my pair of jeans.  A pair of Wranglers.  I remember the day.  But most of all, I remember the fact that I only had one, and had 5 days of school.  So being creative, I removed the label from the pair of jeans, and put it on another pair of no-name jeans.  I felt great that now I really had two pairs of "Wranglers" though I knew the truth.  Well, the next day I spent the day pretty much trying to convince the other kids in class that it was indeed a real pair of Wrangler jeans.  Funny thing is that I was much more convinced about it than they were.  Looking back, it was one of those things that meant the world to me but really did not matter in the grand scheme of things. 

When my oldest son was about 10, I remember having a discussion with him about designer clothes.  Specifically, he needed a new pair of sneakers.  I asked him if he wanted us to buy him a designer pair of sneakers.  His response, at the time, was that he did not need it.  That we should not waste our money. It was just a pair of sneakers and he didn't care what the brand was.  When I mentioned to him that I was concerned about what the other kids would say, he responded with he did not care.

Amazing, but somehow, we had managed to build confidence in him early on to face the same problems that I faced when I was young.  The confidence that I lacked when I was growing up he had.