What it means to be a Father…

This is actually a topic that I’ve wanted to write about for many years.  Of all of the things that I have accomplished in my life, being a father is something I have really strived to do my best at.  I can tell you that it was not something that came naturally to me as it was not really handed down to me by my own father.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad.  But he raised us with the mindset that as long as we had food on the table, which we did, and clothes to wear, which we did, and a warm bed to sleep in, which we did, he felt he did his duty as a father.  I do not fault him for this approach to fatherhood as he actually did better than his own father did for him.

His father pulled him out of school when he was in 3rd grade so that he can take care of the animals and bring him his lunch while he was working in the fields.  My dad really never recovered from this and many times, expressed his frustration with me about how he was ripped off and never given the chance to have a better life.

When I would come home with my report card showing A’s and B’s, and being in the honor roll, his response was “that’s good.  You can do better you know”.  The day before I got married, he pulled me aside for a father-son moment and said “you know about, you know, right?”  Then proceeded to give me a beer to celebrate me getting married.  I don’t fault him for being the way he is since it is very well known that Hispanic men are supposed to be very machismo and do not show their feelings.  It is definitely the way he was raised.

Even though we lived in very modest, ok, a very humble situation, I did learn to value what I did have and the effort he did for us.  I did get great toys for Christmas even though things were very tight at home.

I strongly believe that you shouldn’t dwell on the past and that you have to look at the future and what you can do to change it.  Throughout my life, I promised myself that I would do better and be different.

I did get very important values from my dad.  How serious I am about my work, and ensuring that I “provide for my family”.  My dedication to church.  I don’t feel the same if I miss going to Sunday Mass.  My dedication to my wife.  Not that I ever saw him express his love to my mom the way I do to my wife.  But that he has always been faithful to her and now, as she is going through her Alzheimer's disease, he is there making sure that she eats, she walks every day, and takes her medicine on time. 

But to me, being a father was always more than just being there.  It was about developing a relationship with your children that enables them to trust you emphatically with everything.  You can earn their respect but at the same time, be their best friend.  The person that they can look up to to aspire to, but also be in awe of, because “you know everything :)” as I was once told.

During my childhood, I had the opportunity to get to know many great father figures.  These men, have touched my life in ways that cannot be understated and clearly made up for the missing items that I so desired in my own life.   I dedicate this blog update to all of the father figures that I have had.  The ones that taught me how to be the father and man that I am today.

My uncle Tito, who took me fishing to a lake on a regular basis.  This person was very wound up at all times.  Smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee but can slow down to catch the largest trout I have ever seen.  I remember my first fishing trip where I did not even have a fishing pole and he made one from a tree branch with some fishing line and a hook.  I recall the excitement, like it was yesterday, coming home with 14 Lafayette (sunnies) and a cat fish, that I caught sitting under the bridge in Lincroft.  At the fresh water reservoir where we were really not supposed to be fishing at the time.  I remember listening to Carly Simon on the way to the bridge.  That is where I not only learned how to fish but developed a passion for fishing.

My uncle Juan, who would take me to Bass River every summer so that I swim.  Juan had 7 kids, but still managed to find room for me in his station wagon.  I recall that he always came across as a gentle and kind person and was always smiling. Little did he know, that I actually almost drowned in one of those trips to the lake.  A bunch of boys, his son’s included, through me into the lake at the deep end, without me knowing how to swim.  It was near a damn and the water was running over the damn.  I felt like I swallowed a gallon of water and through out the entire time, all I heard was, if you want to learn how to swim, that is how you do that.  Talk about sinking or swimming.  Obviously, I did not sink, but I can tell you that I wouldn’t say that I learned how to swim that day either.  Eventually, I would conquer my fear, by going to Seabase with my youngest son, Nick, and passing the swimming test at the age of 44.  I’ve been to the beach and pool many times, but never really learned how to swim due to my fear of drowning due to that event.  Prior going to Seabase, I actually swam every other day for several months straight, practicing and getting ready. I was destined to conquer that fear and I did.

Marcos, who became my sponsor for my confirmation.  Marcos was also the altar server counselor and he helped me through some very difficult times in my life.  Talking to me and just being there when I needed to be able to vent about my life.  He chased me when I was about 13 and I thought I could outrun him.  I was wrong. I ran about 2 blocks and even though he slipped trying to catch up to me, he did manage to catch me and carry me back to his place where he and a friend of mine when I was growing up, proceeded to hit me on my leg until I got a Charlie horse, for my 13th birthday :)  He was also the first person to take me to a movie at the theater.  Beyond and Back was the first movie I saw.  I was in awe, not only because it was the first time I had gone to see a movie on the big screen, but because of the topic as well.

However, of all of the people that I can say, inspired me to be the father I am, I have to give my thanks to my father in law, Miguel.  The relationship I saw between him and his son, was truly something to be in awe of and something I so desired to have in my own life.  Not necessarily for me to have it with my dad, but for me to have it with my own kids.  Many times, would I go to his house, while I was dating Luisy, that I would see him on the floor, wrestling with his son, hearing both Luisy and her mom yelling at both of them to stop because someone was going to get hurt.  The way that he would hug and kiss his kids when they said hello or goodbye.  Even if they were only separating for a few hours.  The way that he welcomed me into his own house, the restaurants that he took me to, the music we would listen together too.  His passion for music, desire for fun and love of life is something else.  He took me in as his own and never once, did I feel any different.  For my 21st birthday, he went and bought 13 lobsters at the supermarket and boiled them.  We then sat down and ate them at one time and I have yet to experience that moment again.

Now that I have my own sons, I have attempted to build a relationship with them, like the one I described above.  I have taken them fishing, swimming, to the movies, camping, hiking, bike riding and places around the world. I have attempted to teach the the value of family.  But most of all, I have attempted to be there for them as their friend, and someone they can talk to at any time.  While at the same time, make sure that they understand the value of working hard, going to church, and pursuing your dreams.

After all of these years, while raising my boys, I thank God that I have been able to get a second chance at reliving or redoing my life, but this time, doing the things that I wanted to do when I was growing up.  The second time around, has been even more amazing, since I did it with my boys.  I hiked with my oldest in New Mexico for a week.  Just the two of us, along with some other dad’s and sons, but in reality, it was just he and I.  We still talk about that trip today.

With my youngest, we sailed on a boat around the Florida keys, sleeping on the deck and looking at the moon and the stars.  But most of all, he was there with me, when I conquered my fear of swimming and I still recall him saying that he was very proud of me.

Over the years, I also gave back to my nephews, the things that were given to me.  I took them fishing, the lake, Disney World, and other places that I know they would not have had a chance to go to while they were young.  I did this because it was the right thing to do and because someone did it for me.

I have also dedicated 9 years to the Boy Scouts.  It was definitely a way for me to get closer to my boys but it also gave me a chance to give back and be something of a role model, based on my own experiences.  I think all fathers should do this.   Be a father to not just your son but all boys so that they can become better men.

I truly hope that my sons understand and appreciate the effort that I have put into trying to be the best father I could be.  To give them goals that they can aspire to achieve, but at the same time, know that if they fall or fail, I will be there to pick them up.

To truly know, what it is to be a Father…

Happy Father’s Day to all of the men who have guided me, inspired me, and helped me become the man I am today.  I am eternally grateful.

25 and Counting

Luisa, 

On May 26th, I was highly encouraged to ask you to the upcoming high school sports banquet by your friend Lucy.  When I asked you, you acted surprised but said yes.  Funny.  Three days later, we went to the banquet and had a very nice time, getting to know each other.  That was 1980.  Five years later, on June 8th, we got married in front of all of our friends and family.  We did not know what was coming, but had spent the last 5 years dating and really getting to understand each other enough that we felt we can definitely do this.  Thinking a like and sharing the same idea of what our future life would be like together and how we wanted to live it.  

Fast forward 25 years, and we have had a lifetime of amazing memories.  We’ve been through some incredible high times and extremely stressful, difficult times.  Wondering how we would make it, for a number of reasons.  At times we have stressed each other out where we both thought we couldn’t do this anymore.  But then we would think of the great times where we would have it no other way. 

Looking back at some of those memories, I think about the beginning where we were preparing to get married, only to get a call from the travel agent, three days before our wedding that United had cancelled our honeymoon to Hawaii due to their strike.  The strike that prompted us to call a month a head of time to confirm that we were still going on, and told by the United employee “oh honey, by that time, the strike will be over with”.  I think about the fantastic trip we had in St. Thomas instead, and how we both got so much sun burn that we had to sleep on separate beds because we were in so much pain.  Good thing it was only for 1 night ;-).  Remember the lady who knocked on our door at 3AM, who was completely drunk?

When we moved into our apartment and you made your first meal.  And the laughter we had cause it did not meet your expectations but I would have eaten it all up without thinking twice.

I think about my first business trip almost a year later and coming back to see you with a brace on your arm.  Wondering if this was how it was going to be.  Me go away and you fall apart!

I think about my trip to PR 4 years later, that also included a side visit to my family.  Calling you in the morning, after several days of being away, only to find out that you were having complications with your pregnancy and had been trying to reach me unsuccessfully.  Rushing home, to be with you.  Five months later to not only see the birth of our first son, but also having moved into our first house at the same time.  While we were excited about these two major milestones, the birth of our first child and our first house, we were also concerned because we were flat broke and could not even afford a Christmas tree!

I think about how we moved multiple times, and then finally ended up in SC.  With you in tears cause you were away from your family for the first time.  Then deciding jointly to have another baby, to be blessed with the ball of fire that came into our lives full of hair, energy and life.  How happy we were once our family was complete!

I think about all of the times that we both have received very bad news due to horrible situations with our families, including the times where we lost those who meant everything to us. And how we were there to support each other in those very painful times.

At the same time, I think about the positive things that we have experienced and how those have made us forget all of our pains. 

The amazing vacations we have taken to Hawaii (we finally went there), France/Spain, Puerto Rico, and all of the trips to Disneyland, Universal and of course, back and forth to NJ and Florida to visit family.  
Holding each other as we watched our kids sleeping, opening their Christmas presents, watching their performances, and seeing them grow up. 

The support you have given me in my career.  The confidence you gave me to continue to pursue my dreams, regardless of the obstacles that were presented by those issues outside of my control. 
How much we laugh together, in the morning, middle of the day, and at night.  Every time.  I swear you will outlive me because of this.

The way we just sit together and talk, hold hands in the car, the way I walk up to you, from behind you and smell your hair and kiss your neck when I come home from work.   

The way you treat my parents, especially now, that we are facing the most crucial test with their health and really do not know what comes ahead of us.

The ultimate highlight of course, being the pride we share at looking at our two sons, whom we have shielded from the challenges we have faced so that they can really take advantage of the opportunity we have provided to them, to give them the chances we have not had, the future they deserve, and the satisfaction that we did our job.  We have followed through on our promise to each other and them, and be proud of every one of their achievements, but also know that we were there to pick them up when needed.  That is indeed our greatest accomplishment and much to be proud of.  But in all honesty, we have done the same with every other child (nephew or niece) that is part of our extended family and have sincerely tried to do what is right.  We definitely set the example of what others should do and how they should behave and act.

After twenty five years, I cannot imagine going on this incredible journey without you and thank God that I did.  I cannot even begin to imagine how amazing the next twenty five are going to be, given how great the last twenty five have been.  Can it really get any better?

I am reminded of the words that we said to each other on the altar, on June 8, 1985 at 3PM and realize that we have definitely lived up to those words.  That they actually defined what we would do and how we would be with each other.

“I, Ralph, take you Luisa to be my wife.  I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.  I will Love you and Honor you, all of the days of my life.”

I will eternally love you and am grateful for the love we share.

Happy 25th Anniversary My Love! 

Ralph

A selfless act of Mother.

In the next few days, it will be Mother’s Day again.  Which got me thinking about the impact my mother has had on me.  I then started thinking about the mother of my kids, my mother-in-law, my grandmother… and all of the women that I have known over the years and the underlying characteristic they have, that all mothers share.  Let me start by wishing all mothers a very happy and much deserved Mother’s Day.

Prepare yourselves.  This is a long one, dedicated to all of the mothers that have touched my life.  I hope that by doing this, my sons can understand and appreciate their own mother to become better men.

My memory at times, does not do me justice and I have forgotten things that I wish were recorded in things like pictures and videos.  Especially of my earliest childhood years.

My mom is a very quiet, non-aggressive and the most non-confrontational person I know. She goes way out of her way to avoid discussions on topics that will create friction for fear of the pain and suffering that it will cause.  Even if it is something that has nothing to do with her.  To say she sweeps things under the rug is an understatement.   To give an example, she and my dad go to the doctor’s office pretty regularly and have been known to wait for 1-2 hours either in a waiting room or in the examination room, while the doctor is running from patient to patient, and according to my dad, has forgotten they are even there for a visit.  When I ask if they want me to say something my mom is quick to say “No, please don’t.  I am sure he is busy with other people and I don’t want him to get mad at us.  It’s not a big deal.”  Of course it is a big deal to my dad and it is a major pet peeve for him.  :)

As I was preparing to write about this, I started to think back of some of the memories I have of my mom, such as when I was about 6 years old and came home crying because I had fallen outside and scraped my elbows and knees. She was the one that would treat those with alcohol and iodine.  Ouch.  It stings even as I write this.  Or for those birthday memories that I have where we would actually share a birthday cake, but only my name was on it.  You see, Mom and I share birthdays.  My dad loves to say, and reminder her every year, that I was a birthday gift for her from him.  To which she would immediately reply, “yes, and she remembers that she was in the hospital on her birthday, because of this “gift”.” 

In my house, as in a lot of Spanish homes at that time, at least those that I was familiar with, the father was the bread winner and the mom was the care giver.  Mom worked just as hard around the house, cooking all meals, doing the chores and babysitting. I think  most of the town’s kids were raised by my mom.  I still remember her kneeling down, washing our clothes on a washboard in the tub. 

Mom was the go to person for everything.  To some extent the same applies today but I do believe that fathers are much more involved in parenting so the lines have definitely become more blurred in this regard. 

I remember Mom sitting next to me in bed, teaching me how to pray, or feeding me Lipton chicken soup when I was sick. 

When I was about 11, my Mom’s dad, my Grandfather who used to live with us, passed away.  I remember bits and pieces of things he did around the house or the times I spent with him.  But the thing I remember most, was actually when my Mom came home from the hospital with my Dad, after my Grandfather had just passed away and seeing my mom crying as she walked up the stairs saying to me “Se no fue Rafy, se murio” which means, “he left us Ralphy, he died”.  I tried to think about how she felt about this and tried to support her even though I was devastated myself.

When I was in fourth grade, my Mom went with me to school to sign me up for band.  I wanted to be a drummer and needed my parents permission to do this.  I also needed $10 so that I can get my drum pad kit.  Mom came with me and I remember her taking the money out of her purse to pay for it.  I was excited as heck to be doing this. 

Years later, when I was in 10th grade, our band had a concert and not only was Mom there but the person who would eventually become my wife, and the mother of my kids was there as well.  The concert was actually for Mother’s day.  We were given a flower from the band to give to our Moms and I did.  I did not have one for Luisa at the time and I remember thinking about whether I was doing the right thing giving it to mom or should I give it to my girlfriend.  This was the first of many conflicting decisions over time.  I ended it up giving it to Mom.  What also made the decision much easier was that Luisa said it was ok with her for me to do so.

Later on, as I continued to date Luisa, we would go out dancing or to the movies or I would come back late from her parent’s house.  No matter what time of the night I would come in, I recalled walking into the door and seeing mom, in her robe, waiting for me, making sure I got back in time and was safe at home.

I remember moving out of the house and into my first apartment and remember my mom crying because I was leaving.  This was a few months before I married Luisa.  Funny thing was, I moved less than 10 minutes away and would still get to see mom almost every day.

I eventually moved out of state, and finally, after several years, convinced my parents to retire and move down with me.  I go over there several times a week to see my parents and love walking in and seeing the expression on Mom’s face when I walk in.  You know, it’s one of those things when you walk up to your dad, and you get a hug but it is like one of those “hey son” moments.  But when I hug mom, it is like “hi baby”.

Now that my mom is dealing with Alzheimer's, those hugs mean the world to me.   How she hugs and kisses me.  How she can still see and recognize me is something that just tears into my soul.  Sometimes I sit and stare are her, just to see if I can figure out what is going on in her mind, while I see her staring into space, wondering what she is thinking.  Of course, waiting for her to ask me if I want hot chocolate, no matter what the temperature is outside :) which she does this every time I go over there.

When I start thinking about all of the other women, such as my mother-in-law, my grandmother, my wife’s grandmother and especially my wife, I cannot but help to think about the same characteristic and traits they all share.

The selfless way they put everybody ahead of themselves.  It is unfortunate that we scramble on Mother’s day to say thank you for everything mothers do for us.  It needs to be something we do EVERYDAY.  But at least on Mother’s day, on behalf of my boys and myself, I say to my wife, “Happy Mother’s Day”.  But from the depths of my heart, I say to my Mom, Thank You.  Even though you lost your mom when you were only 3 years old and did not have one to help you grow and teach you about how a mother is supposed to act and what role they play in our lives, you did what came naturally to a mother.  For this, I will be eternally grateful.

Happy Mother’s Day.

It’s like riding a bike - once you learn you never forget.

When I was growing up, my bike was my freedom.  It took me places that nobody else did.   It gave me the ability to experience things, go places and entertain myself like nothing else. 

I got my first bike when I was about 8.  I remember my dad coming home with it and telling me he had something for me.  It had training wheels and when I first got them taken off, I felt like I could do anything.  I did not know this at the time that I got it, but it was actually a girls bike.   Of course, this was quickly brought to my attention by one of the kids in the neighborhood. 

From that point on, I really did not want to use that bike.  But the bug had bit me and I wanted to really have my wheels.  For Christmas, my dad made up for it in style and got me a Huffy BMX style bike.  It was amazing and the best.   As I got older, I wanted a bigger bike, so I saved my own money and purchased a used Fuji white 10 speed racing bike.  It was great.

I would wake up in the morning, hop on my bike and come back way into the night.   I would go from our local town to the park two towns over – through the highway, and onto the trails.  I would go to the next town and get my haircut.  On my way there or back, I would get chased by dogs and they could not keep up with me and my 10 speed.

It would also help me get to and from my baseball games.  My bike was everything.  I got so good at it that I could ride the bike with no hands,  I could run and jump unto my bike, and I would also be seen popping and riding wheelies up and down the street, for what seemed to be miles at a time.  It was probably close to a quarter or half mile at most, but it felt like I was Evel Knievel and a lot of people knew me for this.
I would ride bikes with and without my friends.  At times, we had a caravan of about 10 people riding around town and to the park.  One time, I was riding so fast down a hill, that a car pulled up beside me when I was riding and he said that I was travelling 34 miles an hour!

Today, about 31 years later, I went on a 34 mile bike ride called the Virginia Creeper Trail with my son, Nick, and the scout troop he is in.  We had 38 people there and we broke up into 3 groups.  I was in the first group because, of course, in my mind, I feel like I am still 14 and was amazing on my bike when I was younger.  We started at White Top mountain, going through Damascus and ended up down in Abingdon, VA.  It was long, it was intense and it was very painful.  I didn’t remember going through this much pain, on my bottom when I was young.  But man, oh man, does it hurt now. 

I haven’t driven a bike for several years and definitely not like I did when I was growing up.  As I type this the pain is gone.  At least most of it, but it was definitely worth it.  Not only were the memories rushing through my mind when I was riding, but I was taking this trip with my 14 year old son.  So I got to relive this great experience with my son who was at the age I was when I experienced those beautiful memories.  We pushed each other, we slowed down, we raced each other and it was absolutely the best time.  It is definitely worth all of the pain I went through to get to the end of the trail.

We finished the trek in 3 hours and 10 minutes, had a 45 minute lunch break, travelled an average of 11 miles an hour and at one point, were travelling 21 miles per hour.  Not as fast as my “record” but man it was fast. :)

We saw 2 snakes, had 1 flat tire (in the group), had 2 chains come loose, had 2 leg cramps and had a major wipe-out which I helped clean with my first aid kit.  It was a blast and great to experience something that I have not felt since I was a teenager.  Especially seeing that I still had it in me.

What a great time.

Nick and I at the end of the trail.

Here is a map to the trail we took.

View Virginia Creeper Trail in a larger map

What Easter means to me….

Tomorrow is Easter. Easter is one of the holiest days of the year for Christians, a time to see the innocence of kids scrambling around for Easter Eggs, eating chocolate, especially for those who gave it up for lent, but it also is a day of remembrance for our family. Easter is the day that Luisa’s grandmother passed away. Mima, as she as affectionately called, raised Luisa from the point that she was a baby. I met her when I started dating Luisa when I was in high school. Actually, I think I met her before then, as she was a seamstress in the town I grew up in and I remember going to her house with my mom to get some clothes hemmed.

To be honest, when Luisa and I started dating, Mima actually did not like me. She did not like me because I am Puerto Rican and her family is Cuban. Even though there is a saying that Puerto Ricans and Cubans are two wings of the same bird, she obviously did not see it that way. You see, when Mima came over from Cuba in the mid 60’s, all she heard were rumors about Puerto Rican guys hitting their wives, and she immediately assumed the worst of what could become to her precious granddaughter :)

My family is not like that, and never has been. Nor was I aware of any of the so called Puerto Ricans that did that in the town I grew up in. Anyhow, Luisa and I dated for about 5 years before we got married. Over time, Mima softened up her view of me and we actually grew to have an amazing relationship with each other. She took care of our first son, Dan, along with Luisa’s mom and my mom. Every afternoon, I would go to Mima’s house to pick up Danny from her house and find him in the yard in the back of the house playing with his dinosaurs with Mima. She would tell us stories about her adventures with Dan and how he would try to run away from her when she took him for a walk.

Over the years, Mima and I loved to enjoy listening to music together. She would love to play these games with my brother in law where she would tell him what music I had purchased and then tell me what music he would purchase. Adding fuel to the flame just to get us to enhance our music tastes and collection.

She lived in FL with Luisa’s parents and her brother’s family. But she would fly up or would get dropped off to spend weeks with us at a time. During those times, she would always look out for my best interest and ask Luisa, what she was planning on making for dinner. To make sure that I was taken care of. Since I have a very adventurous appetite, pretty much eating anything prepared, she loved to cook for me, making traditional Spanish foods that Luisa would not eat but that she would and of course, I would.

This went on for many years. Even after her love, Mipo, of over 50 years, passed away, Mima had the will to live life to her fullest. Enjoying her family, especially her grandchildren and great grandchildren. They were her pride and joy and everybody knew this. She was extremely faithful and always believed that she had better things that awaited her.

My dad’s mother, whom I saw only 4 times in my life, was the only “related” grandmother that I knew of. That is of course, until I met Mima. She gave me so much to look forward to. To enjoy and to appreciate. She gave me a lifetime of memories and a new appreciation of my heritage and my culture. She inspired me to rise up to the occasion and to prove to her that Puerto Rican’s were not what she thought they were but what I was able to make her see.

I loved to give her grief and would constantly remind her about how much she did not like me at first. She would always immediately respond that she was so sorry and that she did not know me. I did this not to be evil but to kid around with her. I would also tell Luisa that, in the end, Mima loved me more than her. Of course, that was not the case, since Luisa was everything for her. But I do believe that Mima loved me like a grandson and I absolutely loved her as a grandmother. I actually got to know her more than my own grandmother and I sincerely could not have asked for a better one than Mima.

So, Easter is of course a very special day for me. It is a Holy day. A holiday. A day with beautiful memories of all of the Easter baskets that we have given the kids, the pictures we have taken and, and the restaurants that we have gone to, to celebrate Easter. But most of all, it is the day that I will remember for the rest of my life. The day that Mima went to be with Jesus. I miss you.

Donde estan mi gente (Where are my peeps)?

A couple of weeks back, I took a trip to New York for business.  I decided to fly up the day before my meeting and took Danny with me so that we can hit the town :)  Last time we were in NY was when we introduced my last product for my company and we had a great time.  He was going to be home from college for spring break so we decided to make the most of it.  I asked Luisa to find things for us to do while we were up there the week before due to the fact that it was a busy week.  I asked Danny to do the same.  Needless to say, the night before, the 3 of us were trying to figure out what to do since they really did not put much thought into it.  See, Luisa is Cuban, I am Puerto Rican.  So Dan is Cubarican, as his friends have named him.  When he was a baby, he used to say that he was an "acano de Jayuya" or American from Jayuya". 

Most of Luisa's suggestions included Cuban restaurants, Cuban museums...etc. I kept on telling her that this was not what I was interested in Cuban things since we go to Florida all of the time and Dan has had is fair share of Cuban influence.  So I wanted to take him to the land where Salsa was invented.  Where the Puerto Rican Day Parade is held.  Where the term NuyoRican was coined due to the amount of Puerto Ricans in NY.  I figured we would go get some Puerto Rican food, music, t-shirts.  Go all out - Boricua style!

We flew up to New York's LaGuardia and were there by 11:30AM.  We took a taxi to our hotel in Times Square and immediately went down to get our tickets for a spanish play in Broadway.  The play is In The Heights. Luisa actually suggested it and at first I was not crazy about it but after looking at it online, thought it would be cool.  It was spanish and looked cool.  We then ate our first slice of NY Pizza and since it was early, decided to stop by a Flea Market in the Hell's kitchen area of NY.  It was neat but nothing that really caught our attention.  We went back to the hotel and relaxed.  We then headed out to go to dinner.  A Cuban restaurant in Manhattan.  OK, so I caved.  I decided that we would do Cuban that night and have a Puerto Rican meal for lunch the next day.  My meeting was at 1PM so we would do some shopping in "el barrio" and have lunch around Spanish Harlem.  The dinner was actually very good.  The service was great as well.

It then was time to go to the play.  It was fantastic.  It had a great story about trying to get out of the projects but still remembering your roots, family values, and trying to follow your dreams. It was also very funny.  Well, after a great play, we went looking for NY Cheesecake and according to everything we heard, it was Juniors.  And boy were they right.   It was amazing.  We took it back to our hotel, along with a quart of milk and had our own party, watching the Oscars while we had the cheesecake and milk.  Yum.

So after a long day, it was time to pack it in.  We woke up the next morning, had a quick breakfast, and lugged our stuff to find a taxi.  We were off to Spanish Harlem.  (Here's a secret:  I had never been there.  I was pretty excited, and slightly nervous at the same time.)

We hailed a taxi and hopped in.  We told him where we were going and he quickly asked "why?".

We told him that we wanted to go shopping and he immediately responded that there were good places to shop close to us.  We told him that there was a spanish restaurant we wanted to try as well.  He said, there were other spanish restaurants close to where we were.  Hhmmm.  Is he trying to say something?  We said yeah, but we had to be in the area for a meeting anyhow.

He took us there and as soon as he dropped us off, he bolted out of there like a bat out of Hell.
Anyhow, as soon as we got out, we saw a homeless person.  We kept on going.  We walked about 4 blocks looking for a Spanish restaurant or place to shop.   I had looked up some spanish record stores on my phone and went straight there.  We got there and while I was looking for a Puerto Rican style store, the guy who opened up for us turned out to be from Spain. Oh Well.  He clearly had a lot of Puerto Rican stuff such as music and instruments and t-shirts.  I bought a bunch of CDs and then asked him for a recommendation of a good Puerto Rican restaurant in the area.   He said there aren't any. The one over there that is Puerto Rican is really just a "tourist trap" and not worth the effort.

He said that most of the Puerto Rican's are gone.  Moved to Orlando!  What used to be a very Puerto Rican area is now inhabited by Mexicans and Dominicans.  Wow.  What a dissapointment. The other restaurant that was "good" apparently was down back in Manhattan!

So we left, and walked around.  Looking for t-shirts.  None to be found.  I hit another store, looking at guitars.  They won't ship it back home so no-go.  We went to the 3rd store.  Now, we're talking.  The owner was Puerto Rican, with lots of PR flags all over the place.  Kind of interesting though.  Pretty much everything in there was junk :(.  I picked up some dominoes and while I was talking with him, I told him I was Puerto Rican.  He asked me "You're Puerto Rican?", I said yea.  He said again "You're Puerto Rican?" and I said, again, "yeah, I'm Puerto Rican.".    His next words to me came crashing like a brick over my head.  He then says "I thought you were Cuban!". 


Wow.  You know, it is not that I am ashamed of Cubans or think that Puerto Rican's are better in any way.  My wife, whom I have been very happily married to for almost 25 years, and dated for 5 years before, comes from an amazing family.  I have practically grown up with them and am very proud of them and love them dearly.  But you have to understand the pride that I have in my personal history.  While I was not actually born in Puerto Rico, my mom was pregnant when she moved to NJ.  So as my dad says, I was "made in Puerto Rico, but born in the US".  It is something that I have always been proud of.  I've been there many times and have made sure that my wife and kids have been there to meet the family that I have over there.  Spanish people in general, are very proud of their heritage.

To be told by some uneducated person, who does not know me from Adam that I am not Puerto Rican or don't sound like it, well, pretty much was devastating.  Not to mention the fact that I was not able to get a Puerto Rican meal, t-shirts or even experience what I thought all along was Puerto Rico, in USA, away from the real Puerto Rico. 

I was crushed.  We walked to my appointment and on the way, stopped by a deli to have lunch. Amazing.  They served Puerto Rican rice, pork and other stuff.  Of all of the places to finally get part of what we were looking for, it was in a deli.

We came home that evening.  Not having been able to experience what I thought we were going to experience.  I told Dan that our next trip would be to Orlando, to try to get a piece of what we were supposed to experience in New York's Spanish Harlem. 

US Airways Magazine / City Profiles / Greenville

US Airways Magazine / City Profiles / Greenville

Powdersville Post - Personality Profile

A local paper published this article about me.  Here it is:

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Ralph Heredia and his company Zipit Wireless have made headlines on multiple occasions, and he has several patents for designing products.

One of Zipit Wireless’ best-known products is the Z2, which allows teens and pre-teens to instant message with their friends off the computer.

Heredia, a co-founder of Zipit Wireless, has appeared in several business publications and has even written an Encyclopedia article.

But his business ventures haven’t kept him from being involved in several aspects of the community. The Heredia family hosts the Latino team during the Big League World Series, and Ralph spends a lot of time working with Boy Scout Troop 210.

“Our family hosts the Big League World Series Latin team,” he said. “We’ve been doing it for five years. … We use that as the week for our family to do something together like that. Last year, we hosted the Dominican team. What we do is translate for them, go to the doctor’s with them, take them places, go to every game that they’re at.”

Heredia’s family is originally from Puerto Rico. His family moved to New Jersey from Puerto Rico when his mother was five months pregnant with him.

“My parents like to say: I was made in Puerto Rico and born in America,” he says with a laugh.

Heredia says that working with the Big League World Series and with the Boy Scouts is “a lot of work, but a lot of fun.”

He’s been able to make plenty of friends and go on many adventures because of Boy Scout Troop 210, he says.

Heredia says he especially enjoys “the ability and to connect with the kids as well as spend time with your own kids.”

“When my son crossed over, it was a great opportunity for me to go on these amazing hikes with them, and white water rafting — things that I probably would never have done without Scouting,” he said.

Heredia’s son Dan is an Eagle Scout, and his son Nick could be about a year away from obtaining his Eagle Scout, he said.

Full name: Rafael “Ralph” Heredia — has been going by “Ralph” since he was 11.

Age: 45

Occupation and employer: Vice President Business Development/Co-founder Zipit Wireless, Inc.

Years on the job: 2.5 years officially/ since 2003 unofficially.

Favorite food: Roasted Pig, Spanish Rice with Pigeon Peas (Arroz con Gandules - Puerto Rico’s National Dish of course)

Favorite pastime: Doing anything with my family, listening to music, working with Scouts, watching movies, faithfully going to church, spending time with friends, and anything entertaining and social.

Family: Wife: Luisa, – have been married to my high school sweetheart for 25 years; two sons: Dan, 20, second year at College of Charleston; and Nick, 14, a freshman at Wren.

Pets: None — just the birds I feed outside.

Awards or special achievements: Several Patents, published an article in an Encyclopedia.

Residence: Powdersville

Born in: New Jersey

Interesting facts:

-Transferred to South Carolina in 1993 by AT&T. Since then my entire family — parents and three sisters and their families — have moved down.

-Never shaved off my mustache (took a long time to get it and scared it won’t grow back).

How would you describe yourself?
 
I am what I am. Nothing to hide, always willing to help everybody, and passionate about everything.

Passion to pursue your dreams...

For me, posting things online is pretty difficult, when you consider that in fact, I am actually a very private person.  I am public when it comes to my work but private when it comes to my family, religion, friends and my past.  Basically anything that is not work related.  Not because I have anything to hide, but it is just the way I was raised.  However, in my desire to make sure I leave my mark, primarily for my sons, and my son's children, I am trying to open up my personal life even more.

A few of years ago (June 2007) I was asked to give a commencement speech at ITT in Greenville.  Here is a slightly modified version the speech I gave.

Enjoy,
Ralph
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Good Afternoon.


Dr. Brightharp, faculty, friends, family and most of all graduates. For me it is an honor and an absolute pleasure to be in front of you today, to share with you some personal thoughts of wisdom. To be honest, when Dr. Brightharp asked me if I wanted to speak to you during your commencement, I was, well, in shock. I didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever asked me to give a speech at a graduation ceremony.

You see, you are accomplishing something that I never did. You are graduating with either an associates or bachelors degree. I immediately began to wonder, if I was qualified to be in front of you today. After pondering this for a few days, I realized that we share something in common. All of you and I have the drive to do something with ourselves in life. We are both motivated and have a desire to succeed. You found it within your self to get you to this point. Some of you did this while working full time either day or night. I tried to do the same thing until after about 4 years of working on my associates at UCLA. No not the famous one, the other one. The University Closest to the Lincroft Area, otherwise known as Brookdale Community College in Lincroft, NJ. As you can imagine, I burnt myself out. I started traveling overseas on business trips and I also got married. As a matter of fact, today is our 22nd year anniversary.

I started attending college in September of 1982 after graduating high school in June of that same year. But by the time I started college, I had already been working at Bell Labs for about a year. I found myself frustrated because I had to work in order to go to school. I would leave to go to work at 7:00am, and would get home about 6:00pm. I swallowed my dinner without chewing, picked up my books and drove off to school about 40 minutes away. I would stay at school until about 10:00pm and then I would come home. I repeated this pattern 3 days a week, trying to take 2 courses per semester as I worked on my Computer Science Degree. I figured that at this pace, I was on a path to graduate, about 10 years later. I also came to the conclusion that I was learning more at work than I was at school because technology was not as advanced in school as it was at work for the field that I was interested in. The PC revolution had just begun in the early 80’s and I had more power on my office desk than the minicomputer that our school had. Things have changed quite a bit since those days. I have seen some of your classes and have actually had the pleasure of meeting some of you and your professors. You are definitely way ahead of where I was when I started school. So you see, I do believe that I can relate to most of you. I understand how hard it is to set some goals and reach them.

One of the first major goals that I had set for myself when I was young was that I wanted to buy a house when I grew up. I had lived in an apartment all my life. I had 3 sisters and along with my parents, lived in a 3 bedroom apartment. Right before I got married, I moved into my own apartment and several months later, my wife joined me. We both worked full time and went to school nights. In 1988, we decided that we needed to move in with her grandparents in order to save enough to buy a house. We wanted to start a family but I was determined to make sure that my child would live in a house that I could call home, and not an apartment. Not that there is anything wrong with an apartment, but it was something that I felt passionate about. I wanted my children to have a back yard. To have a neighborhood where they could go out and play and be safe.

In November 16th, 1989, my wife and I closed on our first house. I was the first person in my family to purchase a house. Two weeks later, our oldest son was born. He is seventeen today and just finished his junior year in high school. He is already looking into his own college plans.

I continued working for Bell Labs and AT&T for almost 14 years. During that time, my job was declared surplus 3 times. In other words, it means that you are not needed and within a certain period of time, you will be laid off. I refused to let that happen to me. I looked around within Bell Labs and continued to find out where the work was moving to so that I could follow it. In those days, departments were shut down, and responsibilities where transferred from one department to another. I moved with the work, pursuing my career in computers. During one of those surplus times, I felt like I was the most depressed I have ever been. I don’t think I have ever felt like that again. I was fascinated with the personal computer business and I was not going to let someone take that away from me. I had made my bed and was being told that I could not sleep in it. I was extremely frustrated because there were people making decisions for me that did not see what I saw or understand how personal computers would revolutionize everything. I absorbed everything I could about computers during those years. I read a ton of books and spent hours a day continuing to try to learn as much as I could. I constantly asked questions about every topic to every body that I worked with. I was determined to be a sponge. To pursue my career.

I worked my way up from a clerk position in 81 until I reached the level of engineer, in 93. It took me twelve years to reach another goal. To be an engineer, at what was once, one of the most premier research institutions in the world. Had I finished my college degree, I would have definitely cut that time in about half if not more. What kept me going was the drive to learn and do my best. I knew that I had it in me to achieve that goal no matter how impossible it seamed or how many times I was told that I couldn’t get there because engineers at Bell Labs had to have a degree. It was not a common thing in those days. At one point, over half of the people I worked with in one of my 30 person department had PhD’s.

During those years, I received a promotion just about every year. At one point, I was given the promotion but told that I would not be getting a raise because my salary was higher than the average for my new level. Thinking back on this several years later, I felt like I was not given my due. But to be honest, I was glad to be getting paid for something that I absolutely loved to do. However, I felt like I could always do better than the person above me or that I had a better way of running the company.

After 14 years, and having moved my family to South Carolina, I finally caved and decided to leave AT&T when they closed up shop. In hindsight, it was the best thing that has happened to me. I finally had the reason and courage to go out on my own and not be dependent on a major corporation making decisions for me.

Now fast forward to today, where since leaving AT&T, I, along with my partners, have started, 2 new high technology companies in Greenville, sold one, and also established 2 satellite divisions of out of state companies all in the past 12 years.

My most recent, and definitely the most exiting, endeavor has been to start a company call Zipit. Several years ago I invented a wireless messaging device for teens that has amazing potential. I came up with the idea because I was witness to my nieces fighting over the computer so they can IM with their friends. I actually invented it in April 2003. We had our first prototype in 8 weeks. My partners and I spent most of 2004 being told that it was impossible to make it for $99 and that China was going to eat our lunch. In October 2004, we got Target to start selling it online for $99. And by the way, the product is manufactured in China. We also lost a 10,000 unit opportunity with BestBuy that Christmas season because we did not have the dollars to manufacture it ahead of time.

We quickly realized that we needed to start marketing this product through advertisements and commercials and to ramp up our manufacturing plans. So we set out to raise money in early 2005. We spoke with dozens of investors in the hopes that we could get funding to pursue our dreams. You cannot imagine all of the excuses that came pouring in. It is impossible to start a consumer electronics company in South Carolina. What do we know about Consumer Electronics? After all, we are just a bunch of engineers. We were told that just because we got the product in Target online, that we had absolutely no experience in getting a product in retail. In 2005, we introduced the product in almost 4,000 RadioShack stores, 200 CompUSA stores. We also introduced the product in Mexico and Canada. However, we lost another opportunity for 100,000 units with BestBuy. Once again, because we could not afford to build up enough units satisfy the demand we had generated. In the meantime, we had the product in a movie, the NY Times, Chicago Tribune, even in Time Magazines’ most Amazing Inventions of 2005 issue. I do not want to steal the thunder but keep your eyes and ears open for some major announcements that are coming in the next couple of weeks.  (We actually introduced Z2 two months later and have since then continued to introduce other products as well.)

My work, I do for me. It gives me the satisfaction that I am doing something that I never thought possible and is definitely a dream come true. Over the years, I have learned to trust my instincts, to rely on my faith and believe that anything is possible, but it may not be easy. That you should never give up nor be complacent.

During my “free time” I dedicate my energies to my faith, sharing my lessons with Scouts and other youth groups, and obviously spending as much time as I can with my very supportive family. Just like my work, I commit 100% of my personal time in making sure that I give back and that I can have a positive impact on others. I have learned a lot through the years and know that I have lots to share. I encourage all of you to do the same because the satisfaction you get in teaching is even better than in learning.

I have many, other highlights to tell on my personal experiences.

But my purpose in mentioning these things today is not brag about myself, but to make sure that you understand that if you have faith, if you believe in yourself, have the support you need from family and friends, and finally have the desire to do succeed, you can pursue, and achieve, your dreams. Never give up.

I can think of one word that exemplifies my attitude towards things. Passion.

I believe in myself, and have the passion to excel in everything I do. Anything is possible.

One more thing I wanted to mention. My parents followed me down to SC, and bought their first home just last year after they retired. My dad just turned 72.

You have the opportunity to do what you want. All you have to do is believe yourself and have passion in everything you do.

Congratulations and best of luck.

Comfort on Stage

It's amazing.  I remember that when I was growing up, I was very scared to be at the head of the class for oral book reports.  This stage fright also affected me when I started my career.  I recall, I was about 26 and I had to present my accomplishments and my objectives to my department at work.  I was sweating bullets up there.  We used an overhead projector to do our presentations and I managed to place my viewgraph (that's what we called them back then) on the overhead projector and it appeared upside down.  My supervisor at the time, Rich, stood up and said "Ralph.  There is not need to ge nervous.  Let me show you a trick.  I look at the overhead and if I can read it, that is how I place it on the projector. Everybody can read it then.

Fast forward many years and I spend a lot of time giving presentations to major corporations, technology consortiums and other events.  Just recently I gave one, and there were about 150 people in the room.  They came to hear about some cool stuff that we were working on.

Last week, I sat down to see my 14 year old, Nick, stand in front of the stage for a school pageant he was in called, Mr. Wren.  He was the first person up and when he came through the closed curtains, he sat down with his guitar.  He was going to do his talent portion of the competition, which is to sing a song from the Beatles.  Before he began, he asked if the people in the back can hear a few notes from his guitar. Then he said a few words about the song, the fact that it was from the Beatles, his favorite band.  Then he said "let's begin.". He then played an amazing song.  At one point, he pauses and the audience thought the song was over and they are applauding his performance.  He just looks up, raises his index finger indicating that it was not over yet, to give him a second.  He closes his eyes, bends his head down, opens his eyes, looks at his guitar and continues to finish up the song. 

He then got up and thanked the audience, who was applauding his performance, again, turned around, and walked away.  Nick is going to be a performer. It is something he has always wanted to do.  But the comfort he showed there, was so unlike the lack of comfort I had, when I was young.  Here he was performing like a pro. 

Years earlier, our oldest son, Dan, did practically the same thing for the same competition.  He got up there and sang a Michael Buble' song.  He said he wanted to bring some class to the event.  He told me that he was ready to throw up before hand but felt great afterwords.

Nick, won his category, Mr. Freshman that evening.  I believe it was not just because of his performance, which was spectacular.  But it was primarily because of the comfort he demonstrated on stage.

Needless to say, it was one of my proudest moments as a father.  It also brought back memories about how scared I was just being in front of my class to for an oral book report.

I'm proud of both of my boys for what they can do and looking forward to see what they do next.

Memories

Now that I have been dealing with someone in my family with dementia, I continue to wonder what it would be like if I lost my ability to remember.  While dementia realistically affects short term memory, it is the long term memory that I truely treasure.  At the same time, I wonder, what it would be like if I was able to really understand what went through my grandparent's minds, or how they thought, when they were younger.  What happened to them while they were growing up?  That made me want to leave a legacy for my boys, and my future grandchildren.

My goal is to record my memories, primarily so that I can leave that legacy I spoke about. But also to give me a chance to remember moments in my life that have made me who I am.  Who knows, it is probably nothing more than a mid-life crisis that I am going through. :)  Hahah.

My memories will be random, but it is designed to record things that I want to share.

So let's begin.

I want to start by stating that you cannot really know where you are going unless you have a good understanding of where you came from.  So many times I come across people that feel that they are entitled to get things.  Looking for the handout or for the silver platter.  I don't recall doing that.  I recall wondering "why me" all of the time while I was growing up.  I recall why things were hard for me. 

When I was in about the 7th grade, I remember being teased because I did not have designer jeans.  The funny thing is that designer jeans at that time, were Levis and Wrangler.  It was so much pressure at that time.  Pressure that I am sure is similar to what teens go through today for other reasons, especially a lot more than what was probably a $20 pair of jeans at the time.

I finally got my pair of jeans.  A pair of Wranglers.  I remember the day.  But most of all, I remember the fact that I only had one, and had 5 days of school.  So being creative, I removed the label from the pair of jeans, and put it on another pair of no-name jeans.  I felt great that now I really had two pairs of "Wranglers" though I knew the truth.  Well, the next day I spent the day pretty much trying to convince the other kids in class that it was indeed a real pair of Wrangler jeans.  Funny thing is that I was much more convinced about it than they were.  Looking back, it was one of those things that meant the world to me but really did not matter in the grand scheme of things. 

When my oldest son was about 10, I remember having a discussion with him about designer clothes.  Specifically, he needed a new pair of sneakers.  I asked him if he wanted us to buy him a designer pair of sneakers.  His response, at the time, was that he did not need it.  That we should not waste our money. It was just a pair of sneakers and he didn't care what the brand was.  When I mentioned to him that I was concerned about what the other kids would say, he responded with he did not care.

Amazing, but somehow, we had managed to build confidence in him early on to face the same problems that I faced when I was young.  The confidence that I lacked when I was growing up he had.

Life as a Chinese Tourist

(Note: This documents a business trip I took to China in 2008. I thought it was "interesting" enough for me to post here. Enjoy.)

OK. I could also call this my China Vacation as Mike called it but think "Chevy Chase". Now this is rather long, but I recommend that you read it so that you can experience what I am experiencing over here while you are back, safe and sound, at your desk reading this. After all. I am on my second week in Asia, having spent the last week in Taiwan and weekend in Hong Kong. I deserve a little respect.

I've been in China for 2 days now. I had a very long day with a large manufacturer picking me up in HK on Monday.

I was all set and drove 1.5 hours, through HK customs and then China customs as I made my way to Shenzhen China.

It was great because this manufacturer sent a minivan to pick me up in HK. Turns out that Phil the VP that I was meeting with actually lives in HK.

After spending all day with Phil and the rest of the team, throughout the day they kept on asking me if I was interested in purchasing something. Maybe some DVDs or something. Well, after asking me several times if I wanted some, I agreed. OK. Lets go.

So I get whisked away to a small town outside of the factory where we snake our way through the streets, honking horns, almost running over people...

Amazing. They actually drive like this. There is no rhyme or reason. They ignore traffic lights, stop signs... whatever. It is really the wild wild west of the automotive age. They have perfected the use of the horn honking since they use it at every intersection or every time they are passing a car, bike, person walking, dog...whatever. They honk it at times just to make sure that it still works.

So we pull up to this shop and basically park the car. As I'm getting out, a car is honking his horn cause I'm in the way. No problem. I decide to kiss the van with my body so that I can let him by. That's when the fun begins. I go into this shop and we go through a back door behind the cash register. Oh. The secret room. So I go upstairs with Phil and Candace and here is another room that has the real stash of DVDs. Everything from Ironman that is now coming out to every WII game, PSP game...etc.

I then pick up my collection and we head downstairs to purchase the items at the cash register. Then it hits me. Why hide the stuff upstairs if you have to bring it back down to purchase it at the cash register right in open view?

So after buying $Y200 Yuan's worth ($26) I walk out of the DVD store into the car. On the way back, I ask to stop and get $Y100 (13 bucks) of a phone card so I can fill up my China Sim card. Good thing since I needed it for the calls I was going to get (more on that later). I get dropped off at the hotel and once I get checked in, my hosts leave promising that the driver will come back the next day at 8:30am to pick me up. No problem.

I check into my "non-smoking", smoking room and quickly turn on the air conditioner to air out the room and cool it down. It's hot. Even though I set the air conditioner on 70 degrees, it never really cooled down all night long.

I wake up the next morning to start my adventure; Actually my adventure started earlier than that. Much earlier at around 1:45AM with a phone call on my spanking newly filled up phone SIM card but that's another story.

So I wake up and get ready for breakfast. I go down to have breakfast. Searching for the eggs and such. No such luck. I find French toast (filled with peanut butter), cooked tomatoes (good), lettuce (salad for breakfast?), noodles (too early for that), and a bunch of other things that I would rather not describe.

I put spread on my French bread, thinking it was butter, and it turned out to be banana cream filling of some sort. Yuk. I had enough thank you very much.

So I go upstairs, get my stuff and check out. Waiting for my pickup. The driver shows up and takes me to the factory where we are dodging people like a pinball in a pinball machine.

I get to the door and nobody is there. I get my shoes (imagine doctor slippers that you get when you are going into the operating room) and go up 5 flight of stairs.

Normally, someone is supposed to be there at the guard's desk to walk me up the stairs but nobody is there. So I take my blue "ruby" slippers, put them on,and off I go up the stairs. I arrive to the "locked" door and pull out my trusty cell to call when all of a sudden, here comes Candace.

She opens the door and says that she is glad to see me.

So I spent the day with them and am told that I am going to the airport at 4PM for my 7PM flight. The driver is the same driver that has been schlepping me around for the past couple of days. Nice guy. Does not speak a word of English :-) So I notice that he decides to put on his seat belt as we are leaving the factory and I figure, time for more pinball. I put mine on as well.

The airport is 45 min away and after some more dodging, we get on the interstate (with tolls!) and get to the airport on time.

As I am getting dropped off, I decide to give the driver $Y100 smackers ($13 bucks) for all of his efforts over the past 2 days. He refuses and we play a game of take it/leave it/take it/leave it until I finally convince him to take my money. I say thank you and he watches me go into the airport. Cool. Plenty of time. Or so I thought.

I make my way to the counter and as I'm reading my Expedia paperwork to find my flight, I catch the note that says, confirm your flight 24 hours in advance. Oh crap. I go to the display board to find my flight. Since I'm a few hours early, I figure it is not on there. So I wait about 10 minutes and then the time shows up. No flight. What? Panic sets in. Ok. so I can do this, I walk over to the ticket agent and he says "can I see your passport?" and "sir, your flight has been cancelled but no problem. I put you on the earlier flight at 5:30. Good.

I look at my watch and it says 5:05pm. 25 minutes to get my ticket, check my bag, go through security, get to my gate... I don't even know where to begin. He says go to ticket booth 13 and you can get your new ticket and check your luggage. There is something both exhilarating and scary that happens. I like the challenge of trying to figure this out but at the same time I am really freaked out about missing my flight and not having an alternative way to get to where I'm going. It's 3 hours away!

OK. so I go to 13 and it is closed. 14 is open, and so is 12 but 13 is closed. 12 is for Biz Class, and 14 is economy and it has 7 people in front of me. I have an economy ticket so I just get into the economy line. I wait, wait, wait. and then my turn. No problem. I walk up to the ticket booth and look up. Guess what. I can't understand at all what it says. So I say, "yes, I was on a later flight but it was cancelled. the agent says I am now on this flight". "Can I see your passport?" Ok. NP.

So then I get my ticket and go through the guards and up to the screening station. Panic sets in again, when I have my bottle of water in my hand and there were 3 signs that I passed that said throw it out. So I give it to the security lady, give my notebook and walk through security. When I get to the other side of the x-ray, they decide that I look suspicious and want to check my bag. No problem. Nothing to hide. OH Crap. The DVDS! Oh yeah.

Wrong bag. They pull out every bit of junk in my briefcase (note to self - get rid of the crap in the briefcase) and run it again. No problem. I load up and off to my gate. Wait. What gate am I at?

I can't interpret this ticket. Can't find my gate. Can't see the flight number on the board. OK. Someone helps me and then I look. There it is.

Plain as day. It magically appeared. Gate 36. I go to gate 36 and when I get there it is 5:30 on the dot.

No problem. But no plane. OK I have time to call Emmy cause she has arranged for me to have a pickup at 10PM. But I get there at least an hour earlier. So I have to call her. I dial the phone number from my trusty cell phone (good thing I got that SIM card) and ring, ring, ring, disconnect. Try again. Same result.

OK, I have to get a hold of her somehow. So I try her office line. They don't have voice mail! After several rings, disconnect. Let me see. Maybe the airport has Wi-Fi? OK so I pull out my lap top and behold. Wi-Fi. And Free as well!

So I quickly burst out an email to Emmy and tell her about my flight change. About 10 minutes later, as I finished chomping on a granola bar and loading on a shuttle bus to my plane, the phone rings. It's Emmy. She got my message. No problem, she will contact the driver. Whew. Problem resolved.

So I board my plan and it is a mad rush off of the shuttle bus. Everybody merges like 50 people rushing to the plane and then it goes to a single file at the agent getting the ticket again. Imagine seeing 50 cars side by side merging onto a single lane highway. What, no passport? I'm offended. So I get on the plane and get settled in. We take off.

As we are climbing to 25K feet, I start to think, cool. I can see the great wall of China. I start thinking Mulan and stuff and then it hits me. What if they play pinball up here as well? Oh crap. I'm gonna die. After a while, I relax. No problem. The captain is actually really good.

Note: For those of you that have never been to China, it is smoggy, due to all of the cars and population. Do you know what it looks like at 25K feet?

THE SAME THING. I can't see a thing. So much for my great wall experience.

So, here I am on the plane, eating what I'm being told is "beef" and heading to Tianjin to get picked up by another driver that doesn't speak a lick of English so I can get dropped off at my hotel. It's a holiday inn this time and I am sure that they have a no smoking room. Yeah right. Just wondering what my adventure will look like next.

That concludes my first 36 hours of China. Stay tuned.

(Note: For what it is worth, I had a guilty conscious about the DVD's I bought so I ended up trashing them in the hotel basket before I checked out. It was definitely not worth the hassle nor the risk of getting stopped at Customs for it. But it was definitely an interesting experience.)