I remember

My family makes fun of me because I struggle to remember key scenes and phrases from movies or lyrics from songs that they easily recall.  It's a running joke where they will go into 20-30 minutes of lines, with each saying the next line, as I watch them re-enact the scenes and laugh out loud.  

Every now and then though, I shock them when I happen to say something that they clearly know.   I don't know why that is the case but I just don't remember things like this, like I used to.  If I ever did.  

I do remember when and where things happen, what I felt during those momentous times or things that really hit my gut.

One scene etched in my mind is from The Lion King where Simba is reminded by Rafiki about his father and that his father's wisdom, character and strength is ingrained in him.  It is in his DNA and is his Legacy.

Sometimes, just like in The Lion King, what is needed is "un cocotazo" or a knock upside the head to make sure that you get reminded of what is important.  The importance of the truth, your values, your character, your heritage, your family - past, present and future.  The best part was when Rafiki says "You see he lives in you".  At this point, Mufasa comes back through a spirit and says "Simba, you have forgotten me.  You have forgotten yourself and therefore you have forgotten me."  

My parents instilled that in me.  We all have a sense of revolt towards our parents and want to set our own course, create our own path and be nothing like our parents.  It took time for me to realize and acknowledge, just like Simba, that I am like my parents.  The Good, the Bad, the indifferent.    My dad's hot headedness, his tell it like it is approach, his extremely high and sometimes unreachable expectations, but also his worth ethic, love for family, love for our Puerto Rican heritage.  My mom's emotions (yes, men do cry), her empathy, her love of family, her "skills" with children as my son Nick attests to.  Add to this my own character traits: my desire to do the right thing, my moral compass, my social personality to befriend everybody.

My dad had half a dozen Puerto Rican stickers and flags in his car, if not more.  In my car, I have a single Puerto Rican flag attached to the front window to always remind me of where my parents came from, where I come from "pre birth".  Where my roots are and who I am.  From people that are proud yet humble.  Strong but respectful and caring.  Full of life, passion, hope and most of all resilient to the incredible challenges of living on an island that at times feels isolated from the mainland even though it has been part of the U.S. since 1898.

Never was Puerto Rico reminded more about its isolation, 2nd class citizenship and association with the United States than when Hurricane Maria nearly destroyed the island in September 2017.  Unable to have direct contact with family over there for weeks,  which seemed like months.  Having to turn to people in other states who had long range CB radios who could connect with people, isolated in an island without water, electricity, communication, essential hospital and healthcare services, just to name a few of the things they lost.  

The following year, I went to Puerto Rico, to visit my family and pay my respects to one of my aunts that had passed away.  My own father, her brother, had unexpectedly pre-deceased her by 6 months.  While there, another one of my 70 year old aunts told me about how difficult it was for them after the hurricane.  She would wake up at 5 in the morning to start digging out the sludge from the basement because of the mud slides while praying to God to give her strength to continue doing this and taking care of her husband who was in a wheelchair and needed help full time.

Things were so bad that months later, FEMA and a team of rescue personnel from different countries, this one from Africa of all places, showed up to ask my aunt where they were getting water.  My aunt brought them to the back of the house to show them the tank full of water. She told them that she was filling it up with the water that would come from this pipe/hole (circled in the picture below) in the wall that God had provided.  It is what they were drinking from, since the hurricane had shut down everything.

The response from the Federal Government under the helm of the former President was disastrous, pitiful if not downright shameful.  It lacked empathy, care and respect for fellow Americans.   

I previously wrote about it in a prior blog.  Even the Daily News made a note to plea for help on behalf of the American citizens in Puerto Rico.

It has been 7 years since Maria.  For Puerto Ricans on the island, it is still hit and miss to lose power on a regular day because of the slightest rainfall or even no rain at all. Just regularly occurring power outages that also prevents the water from being pumped up to the remote part of the island where my family lives.  

Yes they are resilient and most have built additional reserve tanks that they depend on when "the water goes" or as they say "se fue el agua".  Yes, while some of them have solar panels and battery backup that were added to their homes as part of the recovery process, not every home has it.  In October of this year, for another funeral, I was able to go there and experience the lack of power and water myself, but luckily I stayed at one of the homes with the additional reserves and backup power.  Half of the house had power and half of it did not since the power system was not big enough to supply power for the whole house.

Less than 2 weeks ago, during an event in Madison Square Garden, Puerto Ricans were reminded of how they are viewed by the "conservative" party with a joke about a floating island of garbage called Puerto Rico.  

The response from the nearly 5.2M Puerto Ricans that live in the U.S., was instant, resounding and continues to this day, several weeks later.  Tonight, the night before the 2024 election, it is being viewed as an inflection or turning point in this election.

I Remember.  I remember what I felt, not being able to know if my friends and family in Puerto Rico were alive.  I remember the long hours of collecting donations and the generous response from the churches, people in the community and businesses to send help to Puerto Rico to make up for the weak response of the Federal Government.  I remember the despair of the voices over the phone, the tears streaming down my face when I spoke with my family on the island after weeks of not knowing.  I remember my community of Puerto Ricans and the constant saying that Puerto Rico Se Levanta, translated as Puerto Rico will Rise Again.

Marc Anthony, in a recent ad captured this emotion.  As he said the words, I too remembered what I felt.

This year, I voted for whom I believe will sincerely make a difference in this country and hopefully for Puerto Rico.  For whom I believe actually cares about others and is not, self absorbed, in it for himself or running away from what is well deserved.  I voted for whom I truly believe values the beauty of all of the citizens of this country, be they white, black, hispanic, asian, straight or not.  For the quilt that is America the Beautiful.

For I believe in Compassion, Integrity, Empathy, Love and not hate.   I voted for the future and not the past because I remember my parents, my family, my people.  I voted because I Remember.

Remembering Henry

Six years ago, in September 2017, my heart and the collective hearts of all Puerto Ricans were in disarray as Hurricane Maria attempted to wipe Puerto Rico off of the map.  The massive hurricane affected other islands as well but the devastation to Puerto Rico can be quantified in these facts:

On page 6 of the National Hurricane Center Tropical Cyclone Report issued by the National Hurricane Center in January this year 

Based on a study from George Washington University's Milken Institute School of Public Health (2018), the government of Puerto Rico has estimated there were 2975 fatalities on that island due to Maria.  This total includes both direct and indirect deaths* since it was nearly impossible to differentiate between the two types of fatalities for this event. 

Further in the report, it says that Hurricane Maria caused Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands:

• Around $90B in damages
• destroyed 80% of the power poles turning the island dark for $3.4M Americans living there

A recent ABC news article on the 6 year anniversary mentioned:

• 80% of the crop had been destroyed during the storm

Not to mention the severe trauma to the people living there that shake with the news of another storm coming and to those of us not living there that for hours that seemed like days and days seemed like weeks that we could not get ahold of our family to see if and how they had survived this storm since all communication with the island had been knocked out.

In the aftermath of the storm, there was a massive effort to donate to Puerto Rico from all communities, including here in the Upstate where I live.  It was a very large, multidimensional effort by leaders of the hispanic, faith and locally elected community that got a lot of attention.  It was a calling of sorts.

This calling got the attention of a DNA cousin of mine, Sara who lives a few hours away from where I live.  What is a DNA cousin?  It is a confirmed genetic relationship by someone who has taken a DNA test but unknown as to how the two people who match are related.  

I started my genealogical journey years ago and in future posts, I plan to talk more about this incredible journey I have been on and the amazing family I have met along the way, but this post is not about me or my journey but about Sara and specifically her husband Henry.

Sara contacted me saying that she was looking for a way to donate to Puerto Rico in her area and that she was excited to see that I had been involved in an effort up here.  She offered to drive up with a truckload of stuff to donate but that she need to coordinate it with Henry, who worked nights ~6-7 days a week.  He was going to go home,  rest for a few hours but that they would be at my house in the early afternoon.

She and Henry made the trip and dropped a pickup truck load as promised.  She then went back and shipped more to me to send to my 1st cousin and his children who lost their home in Utuado and everything in it.   Utuado was one of the worst areas hit with at least 30 mudslides and a main bridge connecting it to the surrounding areas washed up.

On November 4th, 2023, a little bit over 6 years since my first encounter with Sara and Henry, I made the opposite trip to pay my respects for Henry's passing.  

Henry passed away on October 13th at AU Hospital in Augusta GA.  I found out that evening after seeing a Facebook post from my cousin and could not sleep at all that night, just heartbroken about it. It brought back immediate memories about when I met Sara and Henry for the first time at my home and how I was without words at their kindness, generosity and going above and beyond to make the trip up here after working an all nighter and the follow up support.

During the service, I learned more about Henry from his friends and family about his extreme love for fishing and practical jokes.  I learned about his faith and walk towards God later in his life.   I met the rest of the family, including additional DNA cousins I am related to.   We spent a couple of hours talking about our Puerto Rican roots and trying to piece together how we are connected.     

Just like back in 2017, I felt the calling to go there.  It was the least I could do and to now share this story about the impact Henry and Sara had on me and my immediate family in Puerto Rico.

I am a profound believer in family, family values and things that unite us and not divide us.  Throughout my ancestry journey, the thing I have appreciated most is actually meeting up and discovering new family members like Sara who have a similar desire to learn more about our combined Puerto Rican roots but also to meet up with their respective family members like Henry, her mom, sister and their children.

This is how I remember Henry. Even though I only met him once it was a meeting that will be ingrained in my memory forever.

My hope is for Henry to Rest in Eternal Peace and for Sara, children and other family members to find comfort in those memories and words like mine. 

If you wish to donate to the family, please click here: GoFundMe.

My final comments are to my new found cousin Wade, Sara and Henry's son.  I too lost my dad without saying goodbye.  I know the pain and can only say that over time, the pain goes away and what you will have are just the great memories of you and your dad.  God Bless.

* Deaths occurring as a direct result of the forces of the tropical cyclone are referred to as “direct” deaths. These would include those persons who drowned in storm surge, rough seas, rip currents, and freshwater floods. Direct deaths also include casualties resulting from lightning and wind-related events (e.g., collapsing structures). Deaths occurring from such factors as heart attacks, house fires, electrocutions from downed power lines, vehicle accidents on wet roads, etc., are considered indirect” deaths. 

A Father's Day Message

There is nothing more gratifying than just watching my son Dan, be a father to his daughter Audriana.  To see the look in their eyes, the tenderness with how he holds her, the rough way he tickles her and the shear joy in her eyes when I drop her off at home and he opens the door.  

What we are witnessing in real time is the genuine beginning of Audri's path towards becoming Daddy's girl.  Not to be overlooked, is the awe Luisa and I have at Dan's role of being a dad.  He was always kind and tender with kids, including with his brother Nick, though he did manage to push Nick's buttons one time a bit too far and get a well deserved clock in the head with a plastic hammer in return.

What is also incredible is the feeling I have of being able to witness this, as it helps remind me of what I felt as I went through that same evolution of becoming a dad.  I always wanted to be a dad.  I wanted to be able to share with my children my views of family values.  Growing up with sisters, I thought all along I was going to end up with daughters, though seriously wanting boys.  

My desire all along was to pave a path that they would follow.  To inspire them to do what is possible, to be strong in their moral character and conviction but to be kind, gentile and genuine to every person they meet. 

The memories I have of playing with the boys, in the same way that Dan plays with Audri makes me pause from my normal activities to reflect on those early days.  Even Nick, who has always said he is destined to be a "dog dad", has commented on how he remembers the amount of fun he had with me when he was much younger.  

Audri is only 15 months old at this point and too early to schedule her soccer, softball, dance, girl scout, karate, swim activities so at this point it is imagining having fake cafecito, imaginary meals with plastic hot dogs and hamburgers, singing and dancing to the wheels on the bus and We Don't Talk about Bruno.

But what she is already beginning to realize is that her dad will be her best friend and her first true love. 

To me, my sons as well as my wife of course, are my best friends.  The ones that know more of my secrets than anyone else.  The ones that have seen my struggles and my successes and have been there from the beginning to celebrate those successes and to help me get up when I fell down and needed the support.  The ones that have given me the reason to push harder and achieve goals that I did not think was possible but also the ones to keep me in check to ensure that the path I paved, was one they wanted to follow.

To Audri, Dan will be the perfect example of a man to which every boyfriend will be compared and measured against.  A high standard indeed.  

I believe in leaving a legacy and of all of the things I have done in my life, being a father to my sons is the greatest accomplishment I am most satisfied with.  A goal achieved.

When talking with Dan, I see the same evolution that is only reinforced by his words indicating that he did not think he would love someone as much as he loves his little girl.

Dan, on this, your 2nd but in reality, the first where you have had the chance to enjoy a full year of being a father, I wish you only many more years of this feeling, memories to be created, goals to be set and life to be lived as a father.

Mom and I are very proud of the father you are to your daughter.  But I am especially grateful of the father I became the moment you came into my life and for everything you do to keep me in check and support my goals.  Along with your brother and mother, you are my support system and I could not imagine doing anything more important than being a dad.  I am sure you feel the same.   Happy Father's Day son.

One for All, All for One

As displayed in the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, after World War II, German Lutheran Pastor Martin Niemöller had a well known quote which he repeated numerous times, about the guilt he had over his lack of action and complicity during the rise of Nazism.

It is said that if you don't know your history, you are bound to repeat it.  When I attended public elementary school I was taught American History one year and World History the following year.  These were mandatory classes that helped me understand not only how big the world was and the significant events that took place that changed it, but in fact how small we are in retrospect.  That we are actually a part of a bigger picture, one world and that we share many of the same values of love of family and the pursuit of happiness. 

Over the years, our public education system has deteriorated to the detriment of our society where the only history being taught is the one-sided view of the state the students reside in.  Note that I am not just talking about the schools in the South but the fact that I know someone about my age from the midwest that had never heard of the Holocaust, is indicative of the endemic complacency that has taken over this nation.

Given what is happening in this country with the "fixing" of the voting regulations that are intentionally being designed to make it harder for people to use their one voice through the power of the vote, it is worth adapting the above quote to today's situation, with no disrespect to the original author, or to the members of the Jewish community:

First they came for the people of color, and I did not speak out—because I was not a person of color.

Then they came for the LGBTQ, and I did not speak out—because I was not an LGBTQ.

Then they came for the Non-Evangelical Christian, the Muslims. the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was either not part of those groups or afraid to speak out.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

As a Puerto Rican, whose family in Puerto Rico can vote in the presidential election but not for those that officially represent them in Washington, unless they move to FL or another state like NJ where my parents moved in the 60's and were automatically granted that right, I understand and can relate to the disaffected "US citizens".  Especially after Hurricane Maria and the response of the Federal Government (the withholding of precious funds, the denigration of US citizens with the throwing of the paper towels, the talks of exchanging them for Greenland)...etc. I value my right to Vote and have faithfully exercised it at every opportunity, especially for my people in 2020 as I wrote about regarding the disappearance of our Moral Compass.

Now for the much needed history lesson.  

Originally, the right to vote was actually not for all citizens but for white men only.  It wasn't until after the Civil War in 1868 that the 14th Amendment was passed that granted African Americans all rights accorded any other US citizen.  

As described in the official US Government Archives site regarding the 14th Amendment:  

A major provision of the 14th Amendment was to grant citizenship to “All persons born or naturalized in the United States,” thereby granting citizenship to formerly enslaved people.

Another equally important provision was the statement that “nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

This would obviously include the right to Vote.

The 15th Amendment, approved by Congress in 1870, was required to clarify that right given the laws passed predominantly in Southern States, that were aimed at restricting that right given by the 14th Amendment.  Specifically, the official US Government Archives web page describing the rationale for the 15th Amendment clearly says:

African Americans exercised the right to vote and held office in many Southern states through the 1880s, but in the early 1890s, steps were taken to ensure subsequent “white supremacy.” Literacy tests for the vote, “grandfather clauses” excluding from the franchise all whose ancestors had not voted in the 1860s, and other devices to disenfranchise African Americans were written into the laws of former Confederate states.

As crazy as that sounds, it wasn't until the 19th amendment to the Constitution, passed by Congress in 1919 and ratified in 1920, that the right to vote was granted to women as follows:

The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

USA Today had a comprehensive story on the path it took women to obtain this fundamental right.

Then, the 26th amendment to the Constitution, gave the right to vote for any US Citizen 18 years of age or older.

The right of citizens of the United States, who are eighteen years of age or older, to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of age.

Now, both in the 19th Amendment, and in the 26th Amendment, the words that jumped out at me were "shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State"

So getting back to why and what compelled me to write this post.  The rights of a US Citizen to vote, has had to be clarified and re-enforced numerous times through legislation.  Because for one reason or another, there is someone that feels they need to restrict that right from others because of how different they are, their different beliefs, or even in some cases, that the other person is "beneath" that of their own kind.  

Around the time of the last election, Time Magazine, had a story on the attempts at restricting the votes of minorities, especially the African American community.  Who knew that this would be the beginning of a trend that has only accelerated as time goes on and continues to this day and election.  I had someone tell me just last year that they should eliminate the Sunday Souls to the Polls because too many black people vote.  

The combination of this comment, along with the articles I have referenced above, and the constant laws being passed restricting this right is why I felt compelled to speak out and say something before My own rights were taken away.

Let me state this as clearly as I can.  ALL US CITIZENS, regardless of color, race, age (at least over 18), sex, beliefs and values have the RIGHT TO VOTE for who we believe represents us and our values.  I am not suggesting that you vote for who I Vote for but I am absolutely saying that in no way is YOUR vote more important than MY vote.  We should expand that capability to online registration and voting because if it is secure enough to file my taxes, change my address, pay my bills through online banking and do everything else online, it is clearly safe enough to vote as well.

For those that really need to learn about the Constitution, so you can accurately quote the things that you think you know, like for example the 2nd amendment, here is a great pocketsize booklet with the Constitution, the Amendments, the Bill of Rights and all of the important things every citizen should really know.  I got my copy.  Will you get yours?  At about $2, it's cheaper than a bad cup of coffee but better for you and everyone else you share this nation with.

Also, let's bring American and World history classes back to Elementary School.  Who knows, the students may actually learn something that would help us avoid repeating history.

We can do better

We can do better.  About a month ago, Dan and I were talking about what it was like to raise a child in "today's" environment.  The challenges of parenting, especially to a young little baby girl are compounded by the political environment, the never ending pandemic, the insane amount of guns threatening everyday life in schools, movie theaters, parks, churches,... no matter where you go.

Add to this the hate.  I mean the real hatred that everyday Americans have for one another.  At one point, until recently it seemed as though the majority of Americans valued the cultural differences that this great nation's melting pot fostered.  We relished the opportunity to go to Chinatown, Little Italy, an authentic Indian or Japanese restaurant.  We all wore green on St. Patrick's day and downed our fair share of Margaritas on Cinco de Mayo.  We raised our flags on the 4th of July and enjoyed hot dogs together at the local baseball park until we stood up for the 7th inning stretch singing Sweet Caroline.

Then it happened.  Like the flip of a switch, the undercurrent of hostility, racism, animosity towards one another came to the forefront and became an everyday occurrence for us. It was everywhere you turned.  You could not go to a store without hearing someone yelling at another person for them to "go home".  

When I moved to SC from NJ, the common question was where are you from and what church did you go to?  Now it is where are you from, no, really from.  People wearing t-shirts saying "If you have problems with this flag, let me know and I will help you pack your bags".

What happened to the great melting pot?  The common thread that made us unique in who we are, a people with a common goal to provide the opportunity for any person of this great country to pursue the American Dream and make our children's lives better than our own.

In 1931, James Truslow Adams wrote in The Epic of America, “The American Dream is that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement."

That philosophy is rooted in the Declaration of Independence that clearly states: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness.”

Our family's favorite pastor is Jorge Acevedo from Grace United Methodist Church in Cape Coral, FL.  In a recent service and sermon, Pastor Jorge addresses a topic that frankly, I wish all clergy from all of the churches would have addressed years before we got to this point.  Specifically about 57 minutes into the sermon (but frankly the whole sermon is worth watching) he addresses the polarization of the American political culture.  

I won't spoil it for those that should watch it but needless to say, I personally believe this is one of the primary causes of our problems, among many others that have planted the seeds of animosity towards others as I have described above.

On a slightly different note, but within the same theme, on Amazon Prime day, I was presented with a doll that was on sale. I thought, maybe I could buy one for my new granddaughter.  Yes, she is too young but Prime day comes once a year, I thought.  As I perused the different ones they had, my jaw dropped when I came across the last one.

"One of these things is not like the other"

Why on earth would the only doll representing a person of color have straight, purple hair, light hazel eyes but to really highlight the discrepancy that jumped out at me, not be as affordable or on sale as the others?  All the other "American Girl" dolls were on sale for $69 but not this one which was almost twice the cost at $115.  Whether it was intentional and in poor taste, neglect by a quality control team or a supplier asleep at the wheel, we would never know.  My point about the doll's hair and eyes is not that people of color don't paint their hair or use contacts that change the color of their eyes but why did the designer of the dolls go out of their way to change a person's natural beauty?

In the town of Greenville, 10 minutes from where I live, during the summer they have a Latin dance event once a month for about 3 months.  It gives my wife and I an opportunity to head downtown and dance to Latin music, typically from a band from the Carolinas, where it is not just the Spanish speaking members of the community that come to dance but many times we see people from all walks of life, dancing in the nightlight to the rhythm of the beat.   

I want to get back to those days.  That to me is when America was on the right path to being great.  While we still had a way to go to reach the American Dream stated earlier, we respected and valued the difference in each other.  When we appreciated each other and accepted people for who they are and the cultural difference we each contributed to this great melting pot.

To my sons Dan and Nick.  The reason your mom and I decided to have a family was because we knew we could make the world a better place with you guys in it.  That you both would be the best of what we had to offer the world and that we would know that the values we instilled in both of you would be shared by you guys with others. 

To you and everybody else I say the following:

We can do better.  We must do better.

V A N I L L A

A Year in the making.

I have been planning for this day for over a year.  The day that I would celebrate my birthday with my new birthday companion.  My birthday buddy Kaden who was born on Aug 25th to fill a gap that I had in my soul after my original birthday buddy, my Mom, passed away.

Everyone that knows me knows how I felt about my birthday starting with the year mom passed away which I called my half birthday.  After that year, I did not really feel like celebrating my birthday anymore.  It was a very sad day with all of the Facebook memories and people sending me messages saying how they knew I was in pain but that she was in a better place and celebrating the day with me.  Unfortunately it was not something that I could just easily "get over" especially after having lost both Dad and then Mom within roughly a year.  I was in a dark place and my birthday was not a reminder of the blessed life I had, but of the massive loss I had and especially the feeling of emptiness due to the loss of my birthday buddy.  That feeling lasted 3 birthdays until this year, 2022 when I finally had something to look forward to again for this day.

When you are young, you look forward to your birthday for the gifts and being the center of attention.  At my age, I was not looking for either but the precious memories I could continue to make of a unique day I shared with someone special in my life.

I actually have a really good friend, Mike V. from NJ, who shares that same birthday.  Every year, including the most recent dark years, I would send an email, text or voicemail and wish my brother from another mother a happy birthday.  So while I am not technically alone on my birthday, especially since I have my wife, our sons and extended family that make the day special for me, I have not been really looking forward to it or in the mood to celebrate.  

Promises Made, Promises Kept.

So for 365 days, after the news broke that Kaden was actually born on my birthday, I was planning how I would celebrate our special day together.  I knew what we were going to do but not how it would be accomplished.

We would enjoy our first ice cream together.  My new birthday buddy and grand nephew, Kaden and I would have Vanilla ice cream for our shared birthday.

I'm not really a cake person and ice cream is my achilles heel.  I believe it had to do with what I was told about my mom.  Mom apparently only wanted to eat only ice cream during her pregnancy with me.  So much so that when I was born, I weighed slightly over 5 lbs at full term.  So my sweet tooth is all about ice cream like my mom.  She absolutely loved it and as she progressed in her Alzheimer's disease, ice cream was a real treat for her that she would absolutely tear up.

In preparation for Kaden's first time eating ice cream with his birthday buddy, I spent the year looking for recipes online with the hopes of finding the best recipe for homemade Vanilla ice cream.  I even purchased a Ninja Creami ice cream maker so I can make fresh Vanilla ice cream.  

I was so excited about the ice cream maker that when I took it out of the box, the outer bowl and lid fell out of the box and onto the floor.  Needless to say, the lid broke before I even got to use it the first time.  It took a few weeks before it was available before I got my replacement. I guess the same thing has happened to others.

About a month before our birthday, I started practicing making Vanilla ice cream and also created some other flavors.  The pamphlet that came with the Ninja has a very good homemade Vanilla recipe that was spot on.  I practiced several times so that I can perfect it the day before and have fresh ice cream to share with my little buddy.  

I actually had 3 flavors I prepared.  Vanilla, Vanilla Chocolate Chip and Vanilla with fresh strawberries.  As I stated previously, we are going to have Vanilla, in honor of Mom, but I wanted to have a variety of special flavors since it was his first time eating ice cream.  

The look on Kaden's face as he was having ice cream was priceless.  He loved it, especially the one with fresh strawberries.  However the look he gave me after taking a few bites took me down.  It stopped me in my tracks as I recalled the numerous times I would feed mom and she would give me a similar look.

After I recomposed myself, everybody else jumped in and participated in the ice cream festivities. 

I did not expect to react that way and while I was delighted that Kaden liked the home made ice cream (not sure he would tell the difference or understand the significance of it being home made), it made my day and my birthday special, once again.  It had a innate feeling to be able to celebrate my birthday with a buddy.  I am sure that over time, it will become even better for us as he looks forward to that day as well and we can plan the flavors together.

That same day we paid a visit to the cemetery together to talk with mom about the special day the three of us shared.  It also was a way for me to thank mom for my new birthday buddy.

In the end, it felt "complete" having done all of this on my birthday.  I have always been one to appreciate the symbolism of things.  It's the small things or the attention to details that matter to me.   Like how we walked together holding hands.

Angela & Dylan.  Thank you for having Kaden wait until his first birthday before he tasted Ice cream.  It made the day even more special to me.  What flavor do you think we should do for next year?  Let the planning begin.

Coincidence or is something else going on?

Since the painful years of 2018 and 2019 where we lost family member after family member, every "anniversary" or birthday has been painful.  By anniversary, it could be the annual wedding anniversary or the anniversary of the day we lost a precious loved one.   

Yes, the pain is less severe and at times it shows up as just a tear or two, but it is still a hole in our hearts and a reminder of the emptiness we feel inside.  The pictures and videos, especially those that appear throughout the year on Facebook or on those special days sometimes hurt but other times just warms our hearts and reminds us of the special person who is no longer here.

Since then though, a surreal pattern has occurred that has all of us feeling like something bigger is going on, a higher power is getting involved and that it is more than just pure coincidence.

Our first loss on, March 21st 2018, was that of Miguel, Luisa's brother.  He fought an incredible fight with cancer with grace, dignity and faith that left us in awe and something to aspire to, if we ever find ourselves being led down our own painful and challenging paths. 

Exactly two years to the day of his passing, we welcomed the arrival of Miguel's grandson, Beckam.  A bundle of joy that the entire family believes Miguel had a hand in, to send him down from heaven to let us know that March 21st was a day to look forward to, not regret.

I have written before that I shared birthdays with my mom and the pain I felt when she passed away in early 2019.  For the next two birthdays, I struggled to feel complete and lacked the desire to celebrate my birthday.  It felt just like another reminder of what I lost.  Every year I looked forward to enjoying a Carvel ice cream cake with my mom and to experience the uncontrollable laughs as I gave her a hard time because of her single flavor choice - Vanilla.

After two lonely birthdays, Mom sent me a new birthday buddy, Kaden. This year, Kaden will be turning 1 and the plans are already being made for he and I to celebrate our mutual birthday with Ice Cream.  I even purchased a new Ice Cream maker so that he can enjoy homemade Ice Cream for this special day.  Yes, it will be Vanilla but I may add something special in it as well, just because.

The third "coincidence" occurred just this past week.  My father-in-law passed away two months before my mom on March 11, 2019.  Miguel Humberto, Luisa's father declined in health significantly over a period of several months but his health began to deteriorate from the stress of watching his son battle his cancer.   He was my 2nd father, and reflected the spirit and soul of the entire family.  

On March 11th, 2022, Luisa and I welcomed the birth of our first grandchild, Audriana.  Daughter to our son Dan and wife Jill, Dan had a special relationship with his grandfather "Papi Gray" as he called him.  Living life to the fullest and showing us all how to live for today, not tomorrow.

In our family, the loss of 3 of our most special anchors left us feeling empty and full of pain and despair on every anniversary since their passing.  These 3 special births, able to arrive on any of the 365 days of the year, arrived on exactly the day that we needed them most.  To change the day from a day of pain to a day of joy.  To give us a day to celebrate and laughter instead of tears.  To give us hope and to remind us of the beauty of life, and what matters most to us.