On December 15th, 1962 my parents took their vows in Holy matrimony at la Parroquia Nuestra Señora de la Monserrate in Jayuya, Puerto Rico. Not sure of what their life was going to be like or where it would take them, they went on a journey that can only be described as a very rough start, an incredible ride, and a rough ending with the terminal disease that would eventually take my mom.
The beginning of their life together was hard during that time. Clearly a sign of the times in the small mountain town of PR but also due to the hard life they were living. From very poor beginnings, where my mom literally lived down the mountainside from Dad, being 6 years older than her, he would see her grow up with her dad on dirt floors in a single room wooden house, at times he would tell us that he knew she went days without food because of how poor they were.
Mom lost her own mother when she was 6 and was forced to live away from her dad until she was 11. Only to come back to help take care of the house, her father and her brothers until she met Dad who was her first real love and the man that would mean the world to her all the way until she would eventually forget even who he was.
Early in our years I recall that while dad was clearly "the man of the house", dad depended on mom for being the rock that he leaned on during their struggles. However in the end, he was the rock she hung unto and could not let go.
The phrase, "lo que tu padre diga", i.e, "whatever your dad says", was very common at home. She would not make a decision without him, but if the decision was not what we were looking for, mom would go up to bat for us, speaking with dad separately until she convinced him and he caved to what we wanted.
My parents were very humble, honorable, serious, funny, dependable, strict but extremely loving. While Dad was the provider of the house, Mom was the care giver. Mom was also the Jiminy Cricket of the family, always saying either "Rafa" or "Rafy - to me" if he and I were to say something that was inappropriate or she did not agree with. We should be better than that.
Dad was the comedian whose jokes sometimes went too far. When he developed cancer in 2011, he lost his hair and he had a picture with he and mom in it. As mom was losing her memory, he would put her on the spot and ask her, who was the bald guy in the picture with her? Mom of course had no idea it was he but that didn't stop him from asking and then laughing when we yelled at him for doing that to her.
Their faith unwavering, Dad always prayed for a miracle cure for mom's illness. After all, if his prayers helped him beat cancer twice, why would they not help her. One time I asked Mom, as I was putting her to bed and she was already beginning to forget who I was, if she believed in God. Her answer was an immediate, and resounding "Why, Of course".
My life, our life, with Mom and Dad had lots of moments of incredible happiness and dark moments of despair, pain and agony especially as we helped them through their final stages of life on this earth. However, the one thing we never doubted was how much they truly loved each other.
Today, we would have been celebrating their 58th wedding anniversary if they were here. Instead we look at pictures and are grateful for their very true endless love until the very end.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. Missing you in ways I cannot describe.
