Living a nightmare...2 years later

Exactly two years ago, on April 2nd 2018, our family lived through the nightmare of losing Rafa.  Having suffered a heart attack, found sitting in his chair, toothpick and remote control in hand, TV full blast like he always had it, that day and the days that followed it were very surreal.  A pain that we lived through now a distant memory.  The loss of dad was painful and only enhanced by the losses that would follow over the next 12-15 months.

At the same time, our desire to get back to normal and happiness was made possible by the celebration of life within our family through several marriages, the birth of a child, the sweetness of birthday cakes and trying to remember the good times we had with Rafa and honoring him with the traditions he shared with us.

Now, in the midst of a Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) pandemic affecting not only the country but the entire world, it is impossible not to think about how we would have reacted or behaved and how different it would be, had dad and mom be with us during this unbelievable time.  Worrying about how much at risk they would be given their high risk health conditions.  Worrying if one of us, the primary caregivers that were there everyday and at one point, 24 hours a day everyday, would have been responsible for giving them "the virus disease" that would eventually take their life.  Or being away from them and not being able to see them because of having to stay 6 feet apart from them.

It sounds crazy to even think about "what if" in this context, but at the same time, it gives us profound peace to know that they are not living through what we are living through.  Mom with her anxiety would be in so much despair.  Dad with his inability to show weakness while simultaneously being fully dependent on us to help accomplish what was needed.

Over the past several days, as I tried to think about what I would say to honor our father, on the 2nd anniversary of his departure from this world, I can't stop thinking about how grateful we are that he, along with mom is not hear to live through the nightmare we are living through.  A nightmare that is unimaginable and beyond surreal. 

The thought of the tremendous loss of life that is transpiring across the world due to this disease.  The loss of loved ones that are alone, unable to be with family at their time of so much pain and suffering.   While dad was alone when he passed away, he did not suffer, and lived a full life that we thank God we were able to enjoy with him.

As we give thanks for what we have been given, we also must give thanks to all of the first responders, to those that are in the front line, to the healthcare workers that are responding to a calling to help all of us deal with the nightmare we are living through.

May God Bless all of you, protect you and give you the strength to do what you do.