De un pajaro las dos alas

Puerto Rico's first famous poet Lola Rodríguez de Tió once wrote a poem called Cuba y Puerto Rico son de un pájaro las dos alas which basically means that Cuba and Puerto Rico are the two wings of a bird, the two sides of the same coin, the two branches of the same tree...etc.

While Lola, a descendant of Ponce de Leon, born in Puerto Rico, was also a political activist and very involved in some of the early independence movement of Puerto Rico and Cuba, see Lola Rodriguez de Tio, that's not the point of my blog.

Lola wrote a poem about the similarities of Cuba and Puerto Rico and the common bond between them.  She was born in Puerto Rico and is buried in Cuba.  In her lyrics (translated with Google translate):

Lola talks about not being a stranger and each person, a brother... receiving flowers or bullets within  the same heart.  That was my brother Miguel.  My brother not by birth, but in my soul.

Growing up with 3 sisters, I being the oldest, there were times that I understood that I had it easy relative to what they went through but during the most monumental times, it was very difficult because I had no one to turn to or relate to.  Someone that could give me the advice I needed when dealing with the cards I was dealt.  Someone I could horse around with like brothers or sisters do.

I found that brother in Miguel.  Miguel and I were more alike than we admitted, though initially he was very guarded and frankly not too crazy about the new addition to the family.  Especially someone who was not Cuban.  When Luisa and I were first dating, I would always spend my time there.  It was so much fun and her family welcomed me with open arms.  Miguel's question to me though was, "why do you always have to be here?".  Not something his parents wanted to hear and boy did they let him know.  I could not tell if he was joking or not.  Obviously, he was.  But he then followed up with, "Until you do, I don't"! Again, not something his parents wanted to hear and once again, they made sure to let him know how mad they were at him and that he should apologize.  Especially after Luisa made it known how mad at him she was.  He never did.  Not directly anyhow but I knew he didn't really mean it.

Actually, I consider myself lucky.  Miguel was known to be hostile with Luisa's friends and one time, actually pushed her first boyfriend out a window!

Over time, his attitude changed.  We definitely became brothers, as if we had grown up together.  While we never did the physical horseplay that younger brothers can relate to, we had our fair share of horsing around.

We would push each other's buttons about everything from which music was better, Cuban or Puerto Rican.  Though Cuba has always had some amazing artists, his favorite artist was in fact Marc Anthony.  The ribbing continued with which dominoes game was more challenging, the Cuban version based on double-9s or the Puerto Rican version which uses double-6.  He loved to take his jabs.  I only wish they still came flying at me.

The competition continued with which food was better.  It should be noted though that he would always ask Luisa to make Arroz con Gandules (Puerto Rican) and not Congri (Cuban) when we got together and was always looking forward to take me to the new Puerto Rican restaurant in the area when I visited. 

The biggest arguments though came regarding each other's cooking.

Especially when it came time for our annual pig roast, which on some years, gave us an opportunity to argue in person twice a year.  Once during the summer in SC and the next during our annual December 31st roast to welcome the new year.

The funny thing was that since we always cooked it together, we were both responsible for how it turned out.  I am sure we would have both stuck to our guns and blamed each other.

Miguel and family would come up to SC during Thanksgiving and we would go down to FL after Christmas.  Every visit, was an opportunity for Miguel to complain about how much work we made him do as well has how much he would have to spend during his visits. "Oh Denise, get the camera", he would yell.

However, there was no bigger opportunity for him to complain than us not having a roaring fire during his visit.  Even if it was 70 degrees on Thanksgiving, the fire place had to be on.

He was a royal pain like any typical brother, but a pain that I was always looking forward to seeing and one that I miss dearly.  Just like his father, Miguel lived for today. He was always laughing and making people laugh.  He just knew how to have fun and made sure you did as well.

He inspired everyone he touched.  Everyone who knew him.  Everyone who loved him.

Miguel was an avid Facebook user but primarily for sharing pictures of the wonderful things he did with his family, and the messages of inspiration and hope that he was known for.  That is part of the reason I blog.  To continue giving hope the best I can, while trying to follow his lead and his advice.

When Miguel passed away, the members of the Bar Association and legal community of Lee County, FL created an incredible tribute for him in the May 2018 issue of Res Gestae, entitled a Life of Love, Laughter & Law - Miguel C. Fernandez III.  An incredible testament to who he was.

The hardest part of this blog, was how I should finish it.  Let me say that not a day goes by that I don't think about Miguel.  Especially when Facebook reminds me of his posts....

I miss you my dear brother.  May you continue to cheat your way playing dominoes in heaven with our dads and Mima.

One final note.  Today on March 21, 2020, exactly on the 2nd anniversary of Miguel's passing, his 3rd grandson Beckam Miguel Washington was born at 1AM.  I would like to think that there was definitely some coordination between the two of them.  That it was Miguel saying to the family, through Beckam's birth that this day, March 21st needs to be a happy day.  A day when I came home, and so shall you.  To give everyone something to be happy about on March 21st.  Happy Birthday Beckam.  Welcome to the family and for giving us something to look forward to on this day.

"A-Man" A Father Figure Like No Other

I have always felt blessed of the adult male role models in my life that helped me become who I am.  Of this amazing list, there is no one that has impacted me as much as my own father Rafa, than my Father-In-Law, Miguel Humberto.  He was more of a Father to me, than of a Father-In-Law.

Likewise, I always knew that I was more of a Son to him, than a Son-In-Law.  There were times that I genuinely could not tell the difference between my relationship with him, and the relationship he had with his own son whom he absolutely adored.

Rafa taught me honor, discipline, work ethics, responsibility, commitment, love for family, respect, strength, the game of baseball, admiration for my Puerto Rican heritage, to save for tomorrow and all of the basic tenants in my foundation.  Humberto added to this list by showing me how to live for today, how to enjoy life, not sweat the small stuff, to appreciate the love of a touch to the face, the real meaning of a hug and a kiss, to laugh, to appreciate great Spanish music and culture in general, and to spend it all today because tomorrow is not a given, but as long as we had our family we would figure it out and be OK.

I determined early on that I would combine both of their approaches in how I raised my own kids.  I truly hope that I captured the best of both of my fathers.

As a Grandfather, he was truly unique.  My niece Desiree called him "A-Man", short for Abuelo.  Indeed he was. A Man, a one of a kind, special person, loved by all of his grandchildren.  Always having a smile, appreciating the most precious gifts of his life, his amazing family.  When Dan and Desiree where only a year old, he dressed up as Santa Clause which scared the heck out of Desi.  He quickly ripped off his beard and hat to show her that it was just him. They were too young to know what Santa was but he was anxious to give it a try.

There has never been any doubt that he loved his son and daughter but he absolutely adored his grandchildren.  He made them feel like they were the most important thing in his life.  His usual greeting to them was "Hello My Friend".  I on the other hand got, "You B$#ch". Hahaha.

They made him do and say things and he went along with them for the ride.  The laughter we all had with his Abuelo-isms, absolutely priceless.  One time, Desi asked him what was his favorite cocktail. To which he replied "Shrimp".

The way he played with them and made them feel special, it was obvious, why they adored him.  He was the coolest grandfather I have known and was willing to do everything they asked.

He did everything with them and for them, as long as it was not having to change a diaper.  Which he eventually did when his last grandchild, Nick was born, but check out the video below to see how that turned out :)

Our bond was special.  For my 18th birthday, he went to the supermarket and bought 13 lobster tails so that we can celebrate my birthday!  That eventually became our thing.  Food.  We both had an appreciation for food and specifically enjoying each other's company over a meal and a drink.  The first time I ever went to a fancy restaurant was because he took me to one.  He eventually became known as "la muelita".

He would always want to take me to a new restaurant and to share with me something new he had and that "Rafy would like" as he said.  To enjoy things that only he and I would eat and appreciate because I was open to eating all of the "interesting" food that nobody else would enjoy with him.  That was especially the case when he and I would go to Bravo Supermarket during my visit to have chicharrón, cuchifrito or cuajito.  Much to the chagrin of his wife who would remind him that fried food was not good for him as we headed out the door.

During one of the final times that Luisa was visiting her parents in FL, while I stayed back home, she took him to Bravo's and called me to tell me about it.  I told her to tell him that I was upset that he went there without me.  His reaction was priceless but also heartbreaking.  His usual response would have been to tell me to cut it out (or in a more direct way - such as no joda, your loss and you should be here).  Midstream, he forgot what he was going to say.

My 2nd father left us to join his son, his parents, those who have gone before him and to be with God on March 11th, 2019.  Because I was still dealing with the impact of my dad having passed away less than a year before, and still focused on my mom who would pass away only two months to the day after him, I was not able to focus on the impact of my personal loss of Humberto.  I came across a video of him saying how much he missed me during one of his visits to SC while I was traveling.  I miss him even more today.

Today, on the anniversary of his passing, I honor him with this post.  I thank him for who he was, how he was with me and for all he did for me.  He helped me in ways that I cannot explain or are too personal to share.  A second father to me and one of the most important people in my life.  For had it not been for him, I would not be who I am.

I miss you "mi padre".