Today, I decided to go over my parent’s house with my son Nick to help them put up their Christmas tree. So I walk into the house and immediately say, “OK, I’m here to put up the Christmas tree”. To which my dad immediately responds with a grunt.
Mom say’s “I wonder where it is?”. Of course, I know it is in the garage and tell her so. Dad repeats that as well.
I go to the garage with Nick and give him the Christmas tree that is stored in a box. I then give mom a box with a Santa in it, then one with an angel and then one with Mrs. Claus. On the way back into the house, mom asks where has she placed the tree ornaments. She see’s a box, which I know is not it, since all it has in it is wrapping paper. She confirms what I already know when she opens it up. However next to the box, is a small plastic shopping bag wrapped up. I think to myself, I am sure those ornaments are really in good condition, considering they have been in the garage all year, next to Dad’s tools, his car, and of course, the pathway to the house!
We walk into the living room and when I open the box, there is a black widow in it! I immediately tell them to step away. Mom runs into the kitchen and comes back with a broom. I asked her why she did that and she says so that I can kill the spider. Ok.
So I take the box out to the garage and empty the box. I look and look and cannot find the spider. I then take the tree, which is in two pieces and then start to lift it up and down and bang it on the garage floor to see if I can shake the spider out. I drop it a couple of times and still can’t find the spider. I continue this but really cannot see because the light in the garage is pretty dim.
Mom shows up with a flash light. I ask dad if he has any bug spray and mom comes back with a spray bottle of Clorox house cleaner. To which I exclaim “Clorox? what do you want me to do, bleach the spider?” Mom says, I can’t find the bug spray. Dad of course, then interjects and says, “It’s right next to you.” I pick it up, and start spraying the tree with bug spray. I spray and spray and little by little, I expand the limbs of what really is a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
I can’t find the spider for the life of me. So we bring the tree back in the house and continue setting it up. Once I finish putting it together and expanding the limbs, not that you can really tell I did that part, mom unwraps the bag with ornaments so that she can put them on the tree. I tell dad that the tree has a very nasty smell. He comes back a few minutes later with a can of aerosol spray. He starts to fumigate the tree and trust me, if the spider was not dead by now, I am sure that did the trick :-) I have never smelled a Christmas tree that was covered in pineapple/coconut.
Mom and dad then begin to decorate the tree with the ornaments. If you call them that. I don’t think there was a complete set of anything. Mom then finishes and ends up with 3 ornaments that are missing the hook to place them on the tree. She says “uh oh, I don’t have any more hooks”. Dad says “throw them away.” She responds, “why? I’ll just use them for next year.” Dad responds, “Your going to have the same problem next year!.”
It’s time for me to go home so I say to my mom, “if you get bit by the spider, let me know as soon as possible!”. To which mom responds, “If I get bit, I’ll be dead!”.
